13 Days of Cohabitation
by gayrett311
Summary: Atsushi is salty, Akutagawa has emotions. Dazai decides to mess with them. Shin Soukoku with not-so-subtle soukoku in the background. Also, Kyouka eats snacks. Warning!: Manga spoilers, language, a couple of perverted jokes, rather OOC
1. Day 1

Day 1

As you were left to endure the most difficult challenge you would ever face in your life, greater than any hardship at the orphanage or in the agency, the parting words left by the man you thought was your friend were:

"You two get along now~ Please don't kill each other."

You were being forced to be Akutagawa's roommate.

And he looked pissed.

You had no idea how to deal with being forced to stay in the same _building_ , much less an apartment, with your greatest rival.

You needed a way out.

"What are you doing?"

After accepting your demise at Dazai's hand- or rather Akutagawa's with Dazai's prompting- you decided to take a nap. Just in case this was all a dream and you could wake up and everything would be normal.

Instead you woke up to Akutagawa climbing out of the window.

"What are you doing?" You asked again, more insistently.

He tried to ignore you, and kept going about his business.

"I don't think that will work." It was the fourth floor, first of all. And Dazai was too smart to let either of you escape that easily. Even without him watching your every move, you felt like his presence remained and warned you against doing anything he didn't want you to do

Suddenly, as if it knew what you were thinking, a voice rang out in the apartment, "The security system just notified me that somebody is trying to escape. Akutagawa, I know it's you. There's a penalty for leaving without my permission, you know."

Akutagawa froze halfway out of the window.

"Penalty?"

Dazai's voice chuckled over the intercom, "I'm too busy to explain it at this point in time. Atsushi! If you let Akutagawa out, you also get a punishment. I'm coming to get you both tomorrow morning, then you can receive freedom. Just make it through this night. That will be your first Roommate Challenge as future partners!"

You groaned and you think Akutagawa sighed, then you both said, " _I_ am not going to be _partners_ with _him_."

Frankly, the synchronization pissed you off more.

Dazai simply laughed at you both some more before cutting his connection.

You eyed the window warily, "Are you still gonna try and escape like a total idiot?"

"Some insult coming from the biggest idiot in the room." He finally engaged you for the first time since coming here.

"But not the only idiot in the room?"

"Shut up."

"Gladly." You stood up and retreated to your own room. It was a childish act, but you couldn't stand being around the jerk any longer.

* * *

In the middle of the night, you found yourself going to get a glass of water. Akutagawa was on the couch. You had no idea how long he had been there. But it was none of your business.

When returning from the kitchen, he hadn't moved an inch.

You took a moment to examine the room. It was the first place you were in after entering the apartment. It wasn't exactly hospitable enough for a living room, but there was a couch and a table and some decorations. Did the kitchen count as part of the weird almost-livingroom? It wasn't technically separated, as there was no door- just a countertop. You wanted to talk to the person who made it.

You thought the place was designed with you and Akutagawa in mind, because you saw a little cat-shaped sculpture, and a cool painting of a chameleon amongst the ornamentation. There was also some antique looking things that you weren't very interested in. The decorations sorta clashed with each other, but you liked it.

What you _didn't_ like was that the couch was the only thing intended for sitting in the room, and it wasn't very large. If you were to sit on it as far away from Akutagawa as you could you would still almost be in contact with him.

You finally noticed that he wasn't just sitting there in the dark being a total weirdo and ominously plotting, but he was actually just sleeping sitting up.

He would probably regret it in the morning.

You left him to enjoy his future suffering with a clean conscience.

End Day 1


	2. Day 2

Day 2

A/N sometimes I use Akutagawa's perspective but it's rare and short. I used to have a way to signal it but killed my formatting.

The next morning Akutagawa was still on the couch, and you noticed he was rubbing his neck, grimacing a bit in pain. Of course, it was his own fault for sleeping on the couch when he had his own bed, but whatever.

"Sleep well?"

He ignored your taunt.

Dazai's voice pierced the room, "Good morning! Did you manage to not kill each other? Did Akutagawa stay inside?"

"We're both still here." You answered, adding on "Unfortunately," because you're mostly still bitter about the entire thing.

"We both heard that, Atsushi. You're not sly, or quiet for that matter. Anyway, come down here at once! There is a car waiting, it will take you to a diner, and then you're free. Well, as free as you can be considering I know you both have to work afterwards."

"What was the point of this, Dazai?" Akutagawa finally asks.

"Hm?"

"Why did you make us stay here last night for no reason?"

"Well there was a reason, thank you very much. And I think you have a misconception about circumstances. You weren't just staying last night. You'll be staying there until I'm pleased with the results." Dazai said as if it was obvious and simple.

"Kill me now." You muttered.

"Gladly would." Akutagawa whispered back.

* * *

Kyouka called Dazai's plan stupid. She commented about dogs and cats getting along, and returned back to eating the snack you brought her.

That was basically the conversation about it with her.

At the agency, you were expecting more of a reaction. Surely Kunikida would get angry? You can't just be neglecting work. Or maybe some of them would be worried for your safety, even. Not Ranpo, but at least Kenji or Tanizaki.

Apparently Dazai worked it all out beforehand, and they weren't surprised in the slightest.

Great.

You were steadily running out of people to complain about it to.

* * *

"From now on, daily challenges are going to be a thing, by the way. You did yesterday's challenge of not leaving moderately successfully, so you are already on the right path. The better you do with these challenges, the faster you will get out of this living situation." Dazai had his own set of rules for what you were quickly accepting to be your new life. "So, I'm thinking for today's challenge, I should just have you play nice. But I don't think that's enough. So, Roommate Challenge #2 will be this: You each have to pay each other a genuine and sincere compliment. I will be the judge of if they are passing."

What?

"You can't be serious." Akutagawa had been pacing by the window for some time. He finally stopped and faced the direction Dazai's voice came from.

"I won't do that." You also stood.

Dazai's end was silent for a moment, "You will both do that. No matter how many attempts it takes." The edge in his voice told you that you weren't getting out of it. "Now, face each other and be kind!"

You looked at the other and waited for him to say something. He did the same.

"..."

"..."

"Dazai, we can't do this." You sat back down.

There was just an exasperated sound on the intercom.

"Isn't there some other challenge we could do?" Akutagawa likewise returned to his pacing.

"Is it that you can't think of a compliment or because you don't want to say one?" Dazai asked.

You responded, "Both."

"Jinko, just make something up." Akutagawa approached the couch and sat down coughing. Standing for a long time couldn't be exactly good with his weird health. And that's the only reason you didn't object to him sitting. You edged as far away as you possible on the aforementioned tiny couch, though.

"The same goes for you."

"Fine. You are not entirely pathetic."

Dazai gave a considerate hm, "That isn't the worst compliment, coming from Akutagawa. But remember, I said sincere, and I'm not quite sure you meant it, yet."

You just groaned.

"I'll give you two a break, but you need to complete the challenge before you go to sleep tonight." Dazai's line cut off without another word.

"Well. You tried." You said.

"You didn't." He retorted.

"That's because even if I tried I couldn't find anything to compliment."

"I've been told I have lovely eyes."

You scoff. But you also look at his face. You never really looked at his eyes wanting to see anything but murderous intent.

"What are you doing"

"Checking to see if that person was crazy."

His eyes were dark, with light reflecting on the grays to reveal every shade of it possible, all mixing together and reminding you of smoke and ash. When he furrowed his brow, scowling at you for staring so long, the smoke of his eyes curled and leaped around. You didn't waver though. His smoldering glare only accentuated the dance taking place within.

You didn't want to look away yet. From the reflection in what were almost like dusty mirrors. Or the shining flakes like metal spread about. No, you couldn't look away. If you looked away you would have to face the realization.

"Can you stop looking into my eyes like that? It's creeping me out. Don't you have your answer by now?"

"I do."

"Well?"

"I don't think they were crazy."

The realization that you loved his eyes.

Before he reacted and you entirely processed what you said, the newly frequent buzz of the intercom shot on again. "Oh, good job, Atsushi! One compliment down, one to go~"

Fuck.

Instead of feeling achieved for getting your part of the challenge done, you were more embarrassed and ashamed. Just because you said some stupid thing about his pretty eyes.

It was as if you crossed an unspoken line in your interactions with Akutagawa, and couldn't go back over it. The path you'd gotten yourself on, not knowing what it was or how long it went but having just the knowledge that he lies at the end, you had no idea it was a one way street and there was no turning around.

Akutagawa spoke up, "I refuse to say anything else. I already praised him more than he deserved before."

"Hmm, and what was it that you said?"

"...that he isn't entirely pathetic."

You could hear Dazai's grin in his voice, "Then that will do~ Congrats on completing your second challenge!"

The connection fades out.

You and Akutagawa both practically sprint to your respective rooms.

* * *

Nothing could have prepared you for the present situation.

Your rival just said that your eyes were lovely.

End Day 2


	3. Day 3

Day 3

The next day was filled with avoided eye contact and shuffling in opposite directions. You wanted to sit on the couch, but he was there, so you went to your room. At some point you noticed he was bringing a cup into the kitchen while you were in there, but he saw you and headed back towards to couch.

 _So this is how things will be now_ , you thought to yourself.

"My precious subordinates! Helloooo~ Today we're going on a shopping trip for your apartment. I realized that we didn't get you everything important before, so could you compile a list of groceries you need? And if there's anything else you want perhaps discuss that?" Dazai paused, "Actually, that's a decent enough idea. Roommate Challenge #3: Agree on 3 non-necessities for the apartment. I'm covering bills so choose wisely."

You stood up, "I'll check the fridge for the grocery list."

"..." Akutagawa was just looking out the window.

Dazai sounded agitated, "You do know that this challenge requires that you actually talk to each other. Like more than a sentence each? … ? I'll leave you to it."

Turns out that two orphans who have spent more time worrying about surviving in general than eating good food aren't the best with making grocery lists. "Akutagawa, can you help me?"

"I probably am as good as you are at this sort of thing, Jinko. Which is to say I've never made a grocery list in my lifetime"

"Could you at least check if there's like, enough toilet paper and stuff?"

Instead of answering he strut out of the living room, presumably to do what you asked, but still being an elegant asshole about it. Honestly. No amount of conceit should have actually been allowed to exist in someone so deranged.

You started thinking about the challenge Dazai gave you. Seemed pretty simple, but you couldn't really think of anything you wanted. Aside from out of this apartment building, that is.

But the more you thought about it, you finally had a brilliant idea.

"I want a cat."

Akutagawa was back in the area. "What."

"Dazai said three things. Can we get a cat for one?"

"My only rule was that you had to agree~" Dazai reminds you over the intercom. It actually makes you really paranoid that he manages to respond so quickly, like, he can't always be listening in. His timing can't just be that convenient.

You tried to stand up tall, "Then we have permission to get a cat."

"If I agree to it." Akutagawa corrected.

Oh no. You really wanted a cat.

"You have no reason to disagree."

"There is already a cat in this apartment."

"Wow. No. Okay. I am not sure if I should be offended by this. Where am I supposed to start with this? I'm not a cat!"

"Tigers are cats."

"They're separate though! A T-Rex isn't the same as a velociraptor even though they're related."

"They're both dinosaurs. And in your comparison, tigers aren't the same as say, maine-coons. But both of them are still cats."

"This isn't what we were talking about."

"Should I call you Jinneko instead now?"

You didn't even like being called Jinko in the first place.

You were trying really hard not to snap at him. Or hurt him. Or both.

"We're getting off-track."

"I don't wish to have a cat. As stated, there is already one shedding in this residence, and I am no maid to clean up after you or some other feline."

"I don't shed! And I can take care of the cat on my own. It won't bug you."

He stared at you.

"I'm vetoing a cat."

"You are vetoing my happiness."

"Did you think that would change my mind?"

You were basically at the point of begging. "Then what can?"

He paused for a moment, as if considering. What an asshat. You thought about if there was anything you could offer him, but you had no ideas.

"You will owe me for this. And I get to use the other two on things I want."

"Deal."

Oh my gosh. You were gonna get a cat. This was real. This was happening.

Dazai groaned over the intercom, "The point of this was to get you guys to get stuff you both want and bond or at least not be as awkward and resentful as you normally are. You guys just found more excuses to argue."

"We agreed in the end and that's the important part." You said.

"It really wasn't. But," He gave in. "I don't care anymore. Let's go get a cat."

* * *

For some reason, Chuuya also was coming along on the shopping trip. You'd have to tell Kyouka about this later; she thinks Dazai and him are together, but you didn't really see it. Didn't they hate each other?

Akutagawa was chattered at aimlessly by Chuuya as you talked to Dazai about what kind of cat you might get, where you might get it, how old it may be, and anything to do with it, basically.

"Okay. Atsushi. I get that you're excited, but I am sick of this. Please choose a new topic for the sake of literally everyone around you." Dazai stopped in the middle of the aisle.

"But I'm only talking to you, I'm not even bugging anyone else."

"Yes you are." Chuuya added from where he stood a few paces away. Akutagawa nodded in agreement. You had no choice but to shut up.

It wasn't your fault though.

You just really like cats.

So you just thought to yourself about everything instead. Like what color the cat's fur may be, or what you'll name it. You should probably get one with a light coat since Akutagawa already voiced concerns about shedding. Or you should purposefully get one with long hair just to spite him.

Chuuya spent a good portion of the shopping trip insulting your incompetency with groceries. ('But what does the 2% on the milk mean?' 'God, are you like 5 or something? I'm not your mother just google it') He had a point, so you didn't really comment otherwise.

When you finally were free from the throes of sales and the smell of housewife, you went towards the pound to adopt a cat. Chuuya thought you should buy a purebred one from a cattery, but you remembered a sad humane society ad you saw once and wanted to save every stray cat ever if you could.

"Nothing bad comes from saving animals."

"Something bad did happen in your case." Akutagawa was only carrying one of the grocery bags. That bastard. You ignored the better part of you that wanted to be reasonable and acknowledge how frail he is. The man should still carry another bag. Whatever's ailing him obviously wasn't enough to keep him from mafia work so the least he could do would be to carry groceries.

You pouted, "Don't call me an animal. That's not the point either."

"We get one cat. You already pushed the limit of my charity with that. End of discussion."

"Oh, right. To get your permission you mentioned that I would owe you? What exactly does that entail?" You were only just then starting to think over the deal.

Chuuya scoffed, "You agreed to something without knowing what it was?"

Dazai perked up, "You do that too whenever I'm-"

"Shut up." Chuuya went to cover Dazai's mouth and they flailed around for a while, nearly getting to a fist fight right there on the sidewalk.

"I will do anything for a cat. I don't care what it is."

"I don't know yet what I'll have you do. Whatever makes you suffer the most. It will probably be more gratifying though if I wait and let you torture yourself wondering what it is." Akutagawa said, striding ahead a bit to get into the front seat of the car first.

"As long as I have a cat to comfort me, I'm gonna be fine."

"Ah, so that's why you wanted a cat? You're so desperate to have someone to love you."

"That wasn't even almost clever. And at least the cat will be a better roommate than you."

Chuuya grabbed Akutagawa by the ear before he got in the car. "The front seat is for adults, thank you."

"But I am an adult."

"Then act like it. How old are you, again? When's your birthday?"

He stepped back awkwardly. "I'm 20. It's in March…"

"When in March?"

"March 1st."

"But… Dazai, what day is it today?"

"The 19th of February."

There was a long pause for mental math.

"March 1st is in like ten days, though?" You blurted out.

"I suppose it is." Akutagawa said. He probably already was aware his birthday was so soon, and didn't really want you to mention it.

Dazai was standing in front of the car door, grinning at you all.

"What a coincidence." He said before getting in the car. "Are you guys coming?"

"Um, after you?" You let him get into the car first, stalled by the questions in your mind. Are you supposed to get him a gift? Will there be a celebration? Would it be weird given your situation? Do you even know what you would _hypothetically_ get him? No wait you hate him you shouldn't have to get him a gift. You shouldn't even be thinking about it wow.

He looked at you confusedly. You're pretty confused too. _Get your act together, Atsushi_. Just because he _has_ a birthday doesn't mean he's any less horrible. It's just that simple things like birthdays and grocery shopping made him seem more human. And you hadn't thought of him as anything besides a murderous dog before.

* * *

Turns out that the pound was a bad idea.

You didn't like seeing animals in cages, several with injuries and visible bones.

You didn't like the memories that it brought, either.

"So, which cat will be the lucky one, today?" Dazai asked, jamming an elbow into your gut so you would stop gawking at the cages and look at him.

You didn't like the way he phrased that.

You didn't like anything here, it was horrible. The cruelties some animals had seen in their lifetimes were written across their torsos as scars. One dog was so covered by its past injuries that it looked like they ruled the surface and the animal living inside was just an intruder.

It was painfully obvious to everyone that Atsushi was disturbed by the back area of the pound. You waited for Dazai to do something about the pathetic expression on his subordinate's face, but his attempt to distract Atsushi fell flat on its back.

Dazai looked at you as if to say _your turn._

You rolled your eyes, _why should I?_

His typical smirk was plenty of an answer. _Because I said so._

A hand on your shoulder brought your attention away from the cages, "Jinko. We're here to get a cat. Hurry up."

You were slightly grateful that Akutagawa was being so impatient, because it swayed your attention. Although, when you looked at him, he didn't look like he was in a rush at all. He just had the same cool expressionless face as normal until he noticed you staring and coughed into his hand. Then he nodded his head towards a nearby cage, still covering his mouth with his hand, and you turned to see what he was trying to get you to look at.

In the dark back of the cage was a kitten, small enough to where it must've been the runt in its litter. You wondered why it was all alone when it probably needed special care and attention.

"This one is pretty cute." You said, crouching next to its cage.

Chuuya strode over immediately. "I don't see it."

You ignored him and put your hand at the edge of the cage, "Hey, kitty, wanna be my friend?"

"I don't think it speaks human." Chuuya pointed out bluntly.

"Shh, don't sound so mean, it won't respond with all of your harsh vibes around it."

"You're such a weird fucking kid." He pointed out before backing away and letting Dazai get close.

"Aw, how fluffy and not canine. I like it's fur."

You nodded in agreement. "I think at least one of it's parents has to be a calico for the colors to be like that." It was black with orange masses across its back and legs and faded white strands dashed about in between. There was also a white tuft on its chest.

It slowly crept a bit closer from the back of the cage.

But hesitated when Dazai backed away abruptly, forcing an unwilling Akutagawa to take his place. The cat didn't know how to react.

"Don't be scared of him, little guy. I'm here to protect you."

"Oh thank god." Akutagawa whispered, matching your tone.

"What?"

"I was worried you would lie and tell it that I'm nothing to be afraid of."

"An angelic creature like this doesn't need to be lied to."

You examined Akutagawa's expression. He had called your attention to the kitten, but tried to talk like he could care less. Maybe he just wanted you to look at the cats? If so, why would he be looking at the kitten so intently, pressing just a bit closer to the cage than the others had been. The kitten crept closer. By the time it could touch the bars of the cage, it was mewling at Akutagawa and you in the purest little tone that made hearts melt.

"So cute. I think it likes you. Probably doesn't know you're a-"

"Jinko."

"Hm?" You shifted your gaze back towards a weirdly soft looking Akutagawa.

He didn't break from his newly started staring contest with the kitten while talking, "You're getting this one."

A/N: Cats. That's all I have to say on the matter.

End Day 3


	4. Day 4

Day 4

Despite his obvious fondness of the kitten, Akutagawa kept his distance whenever you were in the room. You would've assumed he never approached the cat if you didn't walk in on him petting it, prompting him to leave the room in a hurry.

You hadn't named the cat yet. It was completely your fault, but you wanted the kitten to have the name that it deserved and not something ridiculous.

You did have one name in mind for a girl kitten, you learned yesterday that it was a he.

"If you're that disappointed about it you can still give it the girl name. I don't think he's worried about his masculinity." Chuuya had said.

"Do cats even have a concept of gender?" Dazai asked.

"Probably not. Too busy being snobbish." Akutagawa commented leisurely.

"I resent the statement. Besides, people will ask about it or assume wrong all the time if I give him a girl name." You butted into the conversation.  
"Whatever works for you." Chuuya yawned and looked out the window, detaching temporarily from the conversation.

You still wanted to find another name for him.

"How about Skeletor since you can see the outline of his bones under the fur?" Dazai was suggesting names the entire ride back.

"Dude."

"How about-"

"No."

"Then, what if-"

"Please shut up for all of our sakes."

Chuuya had a knack for getting Dazai to stop talking, even if that was just through violence most of the time.

Dazai's grainy voice through the intercom brought you back to today, "Who is ready for Roommate Challenge #4?"

He was there in person this time, Akutagawa was in the kitchen making tea. Dazai had pulled out a folding chair that you didn't know you had (which was probably his intention). He sat backwards in the chair because frankly that was the kind of person he was and the author won't have it any other way.

To be honest, you weren't ready for another challenge. But you got a cat out of the last one, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad?

The smile on Dazai's face tells you otherwise.

"I think that today, I have a fun one. Which is why I'm here to witness it personally~" He was not interrupted by Akutagawa bringing him tea, because he's just that amazingly graceful. "But, before we get to the fun stuff, can I ask how the cat is doing?"

"Oh yeah, he is great He likes it here, I think. I have to help him with eating and stuff because of his old owner's neglect, but he'll probably be able to do more on his own as he grows."

You looked around for him, but the kitten was probably in your room. Of course it would be your luck that you couldn't find him. Until you saw a tail disappear into Akutagawa's room.

"Akutagawa? The cat went into your room."

He didn't take the effort to move, just stayed there sipping his tea. "Not my problem."

"Okay, but I don't want to go in your room and risk you killing me."

"So don't go into my room. It's that simple."

Dazai intervened, "Atsushi, it's fine, I don't need to see the cat. He's probably afraid of me, anyway."

"Okay then..."

"Then does that mean you both are ready for today's challenge? Yes!" He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Now, then, Roommate Challenge #4: Tell each other every single reason why you hate each other!"

"What." Akutagawa sure did have a way with words.

"I thought you wanted these activities to make us hate each other less?"

Dazai tsked, "Now, now, are you questioning my methods? Because if you were I'd have to give you a penalty challenge as well~"

Cue loud groaning.

"It's not like I'll pass up the chance to express my complete and utter contempt of him." Akutagawa put his teacup down like he was either some prince of a small and rich foreign nation or a scholar about to engage in some polite debate about the latest topics in the intellectual communities. Either way, his movements definitely didn't fit the context.

"Well, if you're gonna be like that about it, then I already have more than enough reason to participate." You muttered.

"Right! So, Atsushi, why do you hate him?" Dazai leaned treacherously forward on the flimsy chair. You almost wanted to abandon the whole challenge because you were so stressed by the disproportionate distribution of weight on the piece of furniture. But you forced yourself to keep on.

Right.

So why do you hate Akutagawa?

"Well, first of all, he literally has tried to murder me on several occasions just because of his own pathetic insecurities about you." You thought that starting out with the jab at his attachment to Dazai would hit right at home. "Like, that is not and has never been my fault. The entire conflict is entirely made from Akutagawa's imagination."

"And next, he continues to be a complete jerk when I just wanna live comfortably here and not, you-know, have to endure his constant antagonism. Which is mostly glares and insults, but still an annoyance. I mean, we aren't supposed to be enemies anymore, yet his behavior has only changed in the way that he is less crazy when you are around. He is so obviously vulnerable about you that it's ridiculous he thinks he has the right to judge me."

"And then he acts all weird and mysterious that it's like, pick a personality. Nobody is gonna care enough to try and figure out who he really is, at least not in this apartment, so there's no point in his weird barriers anyway. Whatever damage he has isn't my concern and he knows that." You wondered if that did it justice. You felt like it didn't. Like something was somehow incorrect with what you just relayed.

Akutagawa looked like he was ready to snap at you. Dazai shushed him before he could even say a word.

"Is that all?" Dazai asked you.

"Uhm…" Wait a second no it wasn't. "Definitely not. I also hate him for every single time he's said so much as a word to Kyouka. That poor girl didn't have to go through all that. It's all his fault she's had to murder people. That is unforgivable."

"Okay so Kyouka. And... he is mean to you? Is that really all?"

"There's a difference between being mean and trying to kill."

"Yeah, but he doesn't try to kill you anymore. "

"Does that change anything?"

"I think it does. Maybe you're just too finicky. I mean, a lot of people have hurt you, maybe you should just learn to tolerate it more."

"I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of how it should be."

He shrugged and turned to Akutagawa, "No matter. What about you Akutagawa? I'm sure you're eager to speak."

"More than." He shot daggers in your direction

"So, why do you hate Atsushi, Akutagawa?"

"He is an idiot."

There was a pause.

"Um. Would you like to elaborate on that?"

"Not really, I think that sums it up pretty well. But I will for the challenge anyway," he brushed a strand of hair out of his face before going on, "He can't seem to get over the fact that I tried to kill him once or twice. I am a member of the mafia after all. There aren't many people I haven't at least _considered_ mortally or otherwise harming."

"Also, he's completely naive with the world in general and seems to parade around with his misconceptions and such acting like the goody-two-shoes he is that can't cross the street without looking both ways and holding someone's hand. He just can't do anything right on his own and doesn't deserve your praise, frankly."

"And then there's that everyone keeps saying that he and I are so alike, which I find to be the most insulting thing because of his aforementioned weakness. Someone so worthless to the world shouldn't be in it. It's as simple as that." He looked like he was weighing his options for a moment.

"It's not fair that someone like him gets it all."

You had heard most of it before. You tended to filter it out by this point . But the last part was something softer and more emotional that you could only avert your eyes at. It wasn't your fault if some things turned out one way for you. You're kinda angry about the assumption, but part of you feels bad for him. He sees the world so black and white. Kill or be killed. Weak versus strong. However else you phrase it it's the same conclusion: compared with him, you don't deserve anything you have. Even life.

It's not like you never thought about it that way either. You did nothing to earn Dazai's kindness. You were constantly told that you would amount to nothing. That you were a bother to everyone around you. But it's always the same old stupid thought that no matter how many times someone says otherwise you can't escape. You may never stop seeking it- seeking someone to tell you that it isn't true. That you deserve love. That you are good. That you are real.

That you have permission to live.

But when Akutagawa says the opposite? You forget about all of your doubts in a rage. You will love yourself out of sheer spite as long as it annoys him.

"If you think I don't deserve to live so much, nothing is stopping you from taking the matter into your own hands." You smiled at him, knowing Dazai would stop any violence.

He looked entirely unaffected. "I think instead of you making jabs at my entirely valid reasons we should critique how stupid everything you said was." Damn. He was getting better at avoiding conflict. Or you were just pretty bad at provocation.

"Everything I said was true."

Then he suddenly switched from the deadpan expression to some shit-eating grin. "But how can you claim to hate me so much when you are so enchanted by my lovely eyes?"

You briefly wondered if you had swapped places with Dazai and Chuuya. 1: Because you could hear the sudden smugness in his teasing from the voice that was entirely cold and harsh moments before, and that fast switch was something you thought only Dazai could do. Then 2: Because while you were impossibly angry and embarrassed, you felt like Chuuya whenever he's near Dazai. You decided to embrace it and do what Chuuya would do, so you launched yourself at Akutagawa.

Instead of stopping the violence, Dazai went to refill his tea. You continued to wrestle your rival and roommate to the floor.

Dazai's lack of concern meant nothing was stopping you from your fit of pointless rage. You pinned him down, forcing him to hear you.

"I hate you. It doesn't matter if your eyes are impossibly pretty, or if your hair is my favorite. If your face seemingly carved from marble, or even if every part of you is beautiful, I still hate you."

* * *

You were pinned down under Atsushi. You weren't sure of anything. Like, if you were being insulted, or if the other just said you were beautiful. Or, how you were supposed to feel about it.

You were just _confused_.

End Day 4


	5. Day 5

Day 5

You requested to not have a challenge for the day to Dazai personally.

He humored you and made you do some work for him at the agency.

End Day 5


	6. Day 6

Day 6

You ended up slipping into the apartment later in the evening for the second time in a row that week. It wasn't that you were avoiding him- except that you totally were and he knew it. Thankfully though, he said nothing of it, almost as eager to be out of your path as you were his.

Dazai wouldn't have it.

"I've been notifieed that you're finally back, Atsuushiii! There was no challenge yesterday it was so boring. I think I should do extra today to make up for it! And there's no talking me out of it!" Dazai was louder and more cheerful(?) than usual on the intercom.

"Dazai, what are you doing? I thought you were just going to the restroom." You heard another voice farther away over on Dazai's end.

"Oh no I've been caught!" Dazai was laughing. "Now, are you going to punish me, Chuuya~?"

You instantly choked on your water. Akutagawa had a coughing fit. Even the cat seemed to be roused from his nap on the couch next to your roommate.

"You're drunk, Dazai." The newly identified Chuuya said.

"I'm only a littttle tipsy…"

"Get over here, idiot."

"Oh, so you can kiss me?"

"No, fucking stop that. You need to sleep. I'm taking you to your bed, bastard."

"How naughty of you, Chuuya~~"

"I said to st-stop that- ACK! Where is that hand going?! Oh my god what are you doing-" The audio abruptly cut off.

Silence.

"Look like we have no challenge today? Lucky…" You tried an awkward laugh before finishing your escape to your room.

* * *

The living situation with Atsushi was too stressful for you. You were tired. So. Tired. You didn't even want to get up.

That's why you found yourself repeating a dumb habit.

* * *

You woke up at some point and decided to go to the restroom.

You noticed Akutagawa was still sitting on the couch. Wasn't it almost midnight? What was he doing still up? Then you remembered the first night when he fell asleep there. You also remembered leaving him there to suffer in the morning.

But he was kinda bent over awkwardly this time. It would probably hurt more than last time too, and even then you remember him grimacing at the pain after waking up. Once you were listening for a while, you noticed a little hitch in his breath. Wasn't he always sick or something? Shouldn't he not sleep upright like that?

You guilted yourself into picking him up and carrying him to his bed.

You didn't know what to expect of his room. Maybe like a dungeon of a medieval castle or at least something all gothic and creepy.

Two words to describe how it actually was?

Simple.

Clean.

The place was just like your room the way you first found it. None of his own possessions were out in the open, and nothing poked from drawers or the closet. It seriously gave you the message of 'a place for everything, and everything in its place'. The only thing that took away from the awe was the bloodied tissues in the trash tin. You chose to ignore them.

Putting Akutagawa down on the bed was more than enough good will from you. You didn't have to grab the blanket and put it on him or anything really. You really didn't. Why did you?

As you were leaving the room, you heard a bit of shifting behind you.

"What are you doing?"

You should have been scared for your life.

After all, Akutagawa wasn't sleeping anymore, and just caught you in his room, which he explicitly told you never to go into.

You were distracted by how soft his half-asleep voice was.

You tried not to sound so loud, but your voice was too big and awake even at your gentlest whisper. "You fell asleep on the couch." But you think he needed an explanation. Hell, you needed an explanation. You couldn't come up with anything.

"Why did you move me?"

There it was again. That gentle and strange tone from him.

"Well, it's not good to sleep on the couch…" You couldn't think of any excuses that would fit.

"You didn't seem to care last time."

He was right about that.

"Just go to sleep. It's late and I'm too tired for this."

* * *

The irresistible pull of sleep was too much. You couldn't stay awake any longer to demand an explanation from the other.

Your rival?

Your roommate.

You couldn't be troubled to figure out which was the right way to describe Atsushi Nakajima, the man who you hated so much, the man who kept surprising you with little things. Like that confusing smile. Atsushi probably didn't even realize that there was a happy, burning feeling his smile left behind in your core.

You dreamt of the sun showering you with its warmth.

End Day 6


	7. Day 7

Day 7

That day, Akutagawa had some mafia stuff to do. He wasn't allowed to tell you the details, and probably wouldn't anyway. You were fine with that.

You were out and about, eating lunch with a friend, grabbing snacks for Kyouka and Ranpo, being forced into shopping with Yosano, so by the time you were done with all of that, and a report Dazai made you do, most of the day was drained away.

And yet there was still a challenge prepared when you got home.

"You're tardy, Atsushi. Akutagawa has been waiting ever-so-patiently."

Said roommate was sitting on the couch with a book. The cat was trying to get in between him and the book, and he was obviously irritated. You wanted to tell him that if he just pet the cat a bit, he would move out of the way, but you also enjoyed seeing the struggle with the cat.

"Sorry." You mumbled, putting your bag down by the door. (Previously, Akutagawa had told you to put it back in your room, you ignored him intentionally, he put it back when you were in the restroom, you did it again, he reacted the same that day, and it's become a tradition, or at least a stubborn contest)

"Can we just get this over with?" Akutagawa asked.

"Sure thing," Dazai said, "Roommate Challenge #7: You-"

"Wait. Is this really the 7th one? We didn't do a couple." You interrupted.

"I had you do stuff to make up for the fifth one, and after reviewing what happened on the sixth day, I decided to count it as well."

Nobody was eager to mention details of the 'sixth day'. Or the sixth night for that matter, but you weren't sure if Dazai had a way of knowing about that.

"So. Roommate Challenge #7: You will complete this friendship interview game. I found it inadvertently on the internet. I'm pretty sure teenage girls do this sort of thing all the time."

You took a moment to make sure you heard him correctly, "Friendship interview game? What exactly is that anyway?"

"On second thought, can we skip today's challenge, too?" He looked really dedicated to his book after the cat finally gave up and curled up on a very annoyed Akutagawa's lap.

"Once a challenge is issued I won't revoke it. Come on, it isn't the end of the world. It's simple, the thing gives you questions that you are supposed to ask each other." Dazai said. He sounded a bit sick of you both complaining and resisting with every challenge, but it was his own fault.

So you went over by Akutagawa, "Let's get this over with."

"Don't tell me what to do, Jinko."

"Dazaiiiiii."

Dazai snorted, "You sound like a 5-year-old shouting for his dad."

Akutagawa always looked more disturbing when making jokes because of his odd talent of remaining completely stoic and unfazed if he chose to. This was also the case when he expressionlessly said, "Daddy?"

"I'm calling the police. Where did the pure and overly violent Akkun go? Why is he making Daddy jokes? Who pissed off the gods this time?"

Wait a second.

"Akkun?"

That was one of the first times you'd heard anybody call Akutagawa anything that wasn't along the lines 'violent murderer' or 'port mafia's rabid dog'. He also said pure somewhere in there, but you were more concerned with the nickname.

"Don't call me that." He threw down the book, flushed with a concoction of anger and embarrassment.

Dazai sounded pleased by the new development of conversation, "We all called you that as a joke behind your back. Since your name is so long, and you hated it so much. It's better if you just accept it after all this time."

"Akkun. It's actually a lot easier to say, wow." You said.

"Akkun~" Dazai teased.

"Akkun," You joined.

"Stop." Akutagawa was red.

"Akkun~~"

"Akkun!"

"Akkun ❤"

"End my suffering."

Dazai laughed and finally said, "I will stop if you just do the challenge."

Akutagawa agreed at once, "Fine. Let's do it then. Where are the questions we're supposed to ask?"

"I printed them out, your copies are right there on the table." You noticed them earlier, but there was a sticky note that said not to flip the pages over on top. "I got them in color because it looked cooler and really retained the beauty of the website."

"Oh my god." Akutagawa handed you a copy of the printout.

"Is this much pink legal?" You had never seen all of that pink in a lifetime probably, or at least 19 years.

"Why are there random hearts and sparkles everywhere?"

"Did they really try to put emojis in there instead of actual words?"

"Are you judging this completely legitimate website that I found." Dazai asked.

You both stopped complaining, because you knew it was for naught.

"Alright, I've got something to do, so I'll leave you to it. Remember I can review this later so you can't just ignore the pages and pretend you did it. Bye~"

* * *

You started reviewing the questions in your head. "So. Should I be 'bffsy #1'?"

"I hate you."

You ended up learning some weird stuff you didn't need to know about Akutagawa. Like his zodiac sign, for example. What the heck is a Pisces anyway? Judging with him as reference, probably a huge bitch.

"Okay. I want to personally fight with Dazai on this one. He didn't even read through these!" You got into the habit about complaining in between most questions.

"Why, what does it say?" Akutagawa asked.

"It says, and I couldn't make this up if I tried, 'Which parent do you identify with most and why?'"

"What."

"We are skipping that one, then."

"Okay, mine says 'Can you hula hoop?'"

"What is 'hula hoop'?"

"I don't know frankly."

"If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be?"

"Murder." He rolled his pretty eyes and you think he was joking? "But not being here in general is a close second. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?"

"I don't think we've been here long enough for anything to expire."

"Dazai is screwing with us. He has to know that most of these don't apply."

"What's your favorite flower?"

"I hate plants."

"That's a little bit harsh."

"What's the best way to comfort you when you're having a really terrible day?"

Ugh. You hated the ones where you had to think or had any emotional value whatsoever. Who wrote these anyway? You wanted to complain personally.

"I don't know. Just a smile and a cat probably."

"You have at least one of those here. Don't go looking to me for the other."

"Not that I would expect you to smile out of real happiness anytime in the century. Has anything/anyone ever saved your life before?"

"Yes." He didn't elaborate. He tended to limit his answers on most, actually. "Would you ever adopt a child?"

"I've honestly never thought about it before. But I guess children are cute. I doubt I'd be able to handle the responsibility frankly…"

"Why?"

You hate Akutagawa. He didn't have to ask that. It was almost a rule that you weren't supposed to ask for details. Why couldn't he just mind his own business, then the entire activity would go by faster.

"Well, the only father figures I've ever had have abandoned me, or viciously abused me for most of my life, so it's not like I have any good examples to follow."

"Oh."

"Anyway, oh my god, what is one guilty pleasure of yours? I hate Dazai."

He stopped for a moment.

"I guess," He looked away, "Don't laugh, but I have a DVD player at home solely so I can watch musicals."

Seriously?

You failed miserably at not laughing. It was just too hilarious. The mental image of _Akutagawa_ watching, and genuinely enjoying musicals? Did he also sing along?

"Stop laughing so much. It's not weird. You probably have way more embarrassing ones."

"No way. Nothing can beat that. I'm not guilty of anything ever, I'm really proud, thanks."

"No, you aren't. I guarantee there's at least one thing you seriously enjoy that you would never tell me because it's too embarrassing."

"Well yeah I wouldn't tell you."

"So there is something to tell."

Damn it.

OK so maybe there was but this wasn't where the conversation was supposed to go. Why couldn't you just like painting your nails secretly or something? You'd never even been in the proximity of nail polish. Actually now you kind of want to paint your nails to see what it's like but that's getting off-track.

"Wait I just thought of something entirely unrelated and want to write it down to remind myself."

"Are you serious?"

"It's very important."

"Stop trying to distract me. You're going to fess up sooner or later."

"Make me."

The tension in the air was probably thick enough to cut with a butter knife.

"No, Chuuya, don't press that button!"

"Which button is it then, asshole?"

"Great, now they can hear us."

Um… those were Dazai and Chuuya's voices on the intercom?

"What."

"Oh, hey guys, we were just, um, checking in. (No, stop with the popcorn. It's not too salty you're too salty stop being a snob) No problems right? (Chuuya just make your own if you're gonna complain so much. Fuck you, too.) Anyway. I think you guys are done with the challenge. Good job. (No, you ruined it. Let's just watch a movie. It will probably be less entertaining but these poor kids need a break.)"

End Day 7


	8. Day 8

Day 8

A/N: I have no excuse for anything anymore i ran out of ideas okay

You messed up.

So. You weren't joking about the nail polish thing. And you were talking to Yosano about it in the agency because she was your go-to female friend who was slightly more exposed to the world than Kyouka and Lucy. Nothing against them of course. It's just that you talk to Yosano about the real world things you don't know, Kyouka about assassination things you don't want to know, and Lucy about the miscellaneous stuff that nobody needs to know. That was like, their respective areas of expertise.

Anyway, when you were talking about it with Yosano, apparently Dazai was listening. Because of course. Why would he be doing anything else? Like working.

And now you were at the apartment with a case of nail polish stuff and receiving some suspicious looks from Akutagawa. There was a note in the case, handwritten from Dazai. All it said on it was "Roomate Challenge #8".

"What." Akutagawa looked just about as done as you felt about the challenges.

"Well. You see. I at some point voiced the want to paint my nails. Dazai heard, and he decided that we should paint each other's nails."

"I don't even know where to start. _You_ want to paint your nails?"

"Yes."

"Why am I being dragged into this?"

"Dazai."

"I don't even know how, though."

"Me neither. I was hoping Yosano would help me."

"Did she say anything useful?"

"She said it was a skill."

"Great."

"Hey, at least they gave us some colors to choose from."

"Black is a horrible choice. If I mess up-"

"When you mess up." He interrupted you.

"When I mess up it will look worse, especially with how pale your skin is."

"It wouldn't matter if my skin was darker or if I chose another color, anything you do is still going to look horrible."

"Rude."

"That was my intention."

You rolled your eyes. All of this was becoming normal to you. "Anyway, are you ready? Once I start, you won't be able to use your hands much until it's dry." You reached for his hand, but he pulled away.

"How long will it take to dry?"

"I don't know. We could google it or we could just get it over with."

He stopped resisting and finally gave you his hand. You almost jumped where you sat because his hand was as icy as a corpse's.

"You know… your hand is really cold."

You were holding hands with Atsushi.

"Hm?" You hadn't heard a word of what the other said.

"I was insulting how cold your hand is. You could at least pay attention when someone is speaking to you instead of staring at them expressionlessly."

He glared at you, so you just focused on the challenge. His fingers were awfully slender, so you thought it would be easier since there would be less nail to cover. You were wrong to think that. The nail polish just ended up going on unevenly spread. It's was sadly glumped and got on his skin a lot.

"I'm such a failure. Sorry." The work was so bad that you felt the need to apologise to him. Even if he was gonna be a jerk about it.

But he wasn't. "It's fine… Just do the other hand now."

You didn't object to his command.

Though you were pretty distracted about how weird it was. Both of you weren't as hateful towards the other as usual. Perish the thought, but was the whole roommate thing actually working the way Dazai wanted it to? That had to be impossible. You were only being compliant until you could get out of the situation. It didn't change your hatred of him.

Right?

"Don't zone out like that. You keep messing up." He brought you back to the actual world. You were zoning too much like he said, but you don't think the nail polish went on any worse than the first hand.

"Ah, whoops. It's partially your fault for shaking so much."

"I'm not shaking."

"You say, flinching yet again."

"Fine, I give up, but you're shaking too, Jinko."

You sighed, "Can you call me literally anything else?" You hated every time he called you Jinko. It was such a stupid thing, especially when you were living with him. He should at least call you Nakajima.

"What are you going to do about it?"

You plopped some nail polish onto his wrist. "I'll aim for the face next time."

He leaned forward a bit, unfazed by the petty threat, "Perhaps I didn't say it clearly. I'll repeat myself. What are you going to do about it, _Jinko_?"

You told yourself that you weren't childish enough to do it. But then again, there you were a second later, proud of the splotch of black on his cheek.

"Very mature, _Jinko_." He emphasized Jinko per syllable. It was really annoying.

"You are such a jerk."

" _Jin-ko._ " He said, exacting revenge for when you helped Dazai tease him about the nickname yesterday.

That idea popped into your head so conveniently.

"If you keep calling me that, I'll call you Akkun like before."

His pretty eyes widened, "You will do no such thing."

"What's stopping me, _Akkun_?"

"Fine then, I won't call you Jinko."

"Finally."

"I'll call you Nacchan."

"You son of a bitch." You went for his other cheek with the nail polish brush, and this time he tried to dodge. However the limited space on the couch worked against you, landing you both in an uncomfortable heap on the floor. There was a struggle over the control of the nail polish. He got the entire vial at some point and it ended up on your shirt. You dolloped his cravat as revenge. Stupid cravat.

"This is completely ridiculous. You are paying for that, _Nacchan_."

"That's nothing compared to how much is on my shirt, _Akkun_."

The scuffle went on for a while before you were both tired and utterly splotched with black nail polish.

You put the nail polish brush down, "Truce?"

He also put the vial down, "By any chance did you ask Yosano how to remove nail polish?"

* * *

You were wondering if that was what is was like to have fun.

End Day 8


	9. Day 9

Day 9

A/N: I totally forgot to mention but they ended up finishing the challenge when Akutagawa's nails were dry (they had to fix it after the fight though), i'll mention it in a few seconds i guess. And i was too lazy to do things so this chapter is like 90% random cutoffs right now

All day at the agency you kept getting distracted by your nails. They ended up getting painted glittery. No specific colors. Just glitter flakes in a clear liquid. You liked glitter, but you didn't realize just how noticeable it was. Even Ranpo, who has his eyes closed most of the time, noticed. Although he probably isn't a great example.

Yosano complimented your ability with fingernail-painting for a first-timer. It hurt your soul knowing that Akutagawa was actually the one who did it.

How was he allowed to be good at it? He didn't even want to in the first place!

When you started heading home, Dazai got in your path, because of course it's never gonna be easy for you.

"I just wanted you to know that Chuuya and I are coming by your apartment later with wine and good food, so don't bother cooking anything~"

"Why?"

"Our DVD player is broken."

"I would complain but I'm too tired to."

* * *

"Yosano said you paint nails well." You said as you entered the apartment. You never figured out how he always gets back first. Surely he could be late once in his life?

"Great." He put his book down. "Don't leave your bag there."

You kept walking, not going back for the bag. "By the way, Chuuya and Dazai are coming over tonight. They should be bringing wine and dinner, although I'm pretty sure the wine is mostly for Chuuya."

"I told you to get that bag. Why are they coming over?"

"And I ignored you. I think they were bored."

"I hate you."

"Thanks, you too."

* * *

"Helllooooo, Atsushi, and Akutagawa~" Dazai burst through the door without knocking first.

"Pardon our intrusion." Chuuya followed. It was funny seeing an executive of the port mafia being the polite one, but with a companion like Dazai, it sorta made sense.

"Ah, you aren't intruding, you are both welcome. Just try to give more advance warning next time…" You got up off of the couch to greet them.

You remembered that there weren't enough seats for four people. Maybe Dazai stashed more in the closet and you didn't see them? Just when you were about to ask, Akutagawa dragged two folding chairs into the room.

"Where were those?" You asked.

"In the closet?" He put them down for you to presumably set out. Lazy asshole.

"But I checked there before and they weren't there!"

"You probably didn't look hard enough."

"Excuse you?"

"You're too big of an idiot to see what was there in plain view for anyone with half a brain, _Nacchan_."

"I apologize if a simple mistake makes me an idiot, _Akkun_."

"You got the simple part right."

Chuuya looked at Dazai with suspicion, "Since when did they start calling each other such affectionate names?"

"I think they did it out of spite."

Chuuya ended up bringing several bottles of wine, and felt charitable enough to offer some to everyone else (not the good stuff though), ignoring the fact that you weren't old enough to legally drink. You refused, anyway, but dang the mafia was weird. You guessed that if they had no qualms murdering people and the likes, abiding by other trivial laws wasn't much of a concern.

Akutagawa ended up having a couple of glasses.

"I never expected you to be one to drink much, Akutagawa." Dazai mentioned, you weren't sure if he was concerned or amused, but probably both.

"Living in this apartment, maybe I should be." He went for another glass. Rude.

"Mm, your cheeks look a bit red~ Are you a lightweight, Akutagawa?"

"Hey, did you ever name your cat?"

"Somehow we ended up calling him Maru-Chan."

You were talking to Dazai aimlessly about various topics, while observing the beautiful thing that was drunken Akutagawa. He was loose-lipped, opinionated, and pretty dramatic in comparison to his normal state.

Right at the moment, he was gossiping about random members of the mafia to Chuuya. You wouldn't of thought Akutagawa even payed attention to gossip, but somehow he managed to pick up all of the things he was talking about. Unless he made them up himself, which was entirely possible.

"Hey, Akkun, do you know any secrets about the detective agency?"

He pivoted in the direction of your voice, "Hmm, someone saw the lady-doctor with a date once."

"Is that all?"

"Her date was a girl."

You were shocked, Chuuya said something about lesbians, Dazai looked like he already knew.

Akutagawa lit up after remembering something, "Oh, oh, oh! And in the detective agency, other than Kyouka, there's a former mafia-"

Chuuya jumped over to Akutagawa and covered his mouth, "No, no, no, don't fucking mention it. Dazai was a big secret!"

"Right!"

"Right!"

They started laughing uncontrollably. You weren't sure how to feel about seeing Akutagawa laugh without any murderous intent.

Dazai looked annoyed by their exchange, though.

"At this rate, they'd get to telling all of the confidential information that they know. I should probably take Chuuya back."

You raised an eyebrow at him, but overall agreed with the idea. It was just weird he was so eager to leave despite having been amused by Akutagawa's state previously. Was it because Chuuya mentioned him and the mafia stuff? It was probably a sore subject. You didn't know much about it, but you decided that Dazai is allowed to his secrets.

"What am I supposed to do about him?" You gestured vaguely to Akutagawa, "I've never had to deal with this stuff before."

Dazai smirked at your concern. "Hmmmmmm. Roommate Challenge #9: Take care of him~"

"Wait, aren't these supposed to be partner challenges. Why am I the only one doing anything?"

"I'm sure he will suffer enough tomorrow as is. It all evens out really." Without further ado he went to grab Chuuya, and was met with resistance. Eventually, Dazai was carrying him piggy-back style out of the apartment, leaving you with his sentiments. "Good luck."

Life isn't fair.

* * *

"Nacchan," The only voice left in the room started, and you vaguely recalled a conversation about your lack of a sense of danger. "I have a question."

You wanted nothing to do with this entire situation all of the sudden.

"Maybe ask it tomorrow."

"No, I wanna know today."

"Fine, only one question, though."

"Yay!" He started coughing, but continued once it was under control. "So, why do you hate me?"

Inside your brain was the sound of sirens, "We've gone over it before."

"Yes, but I don't like any of your reasons. They're all dumb-dumb-dumb."

"I don't know what you want me to do about it."

He reached towards the remaining wine, and you rushed over to take it away from him. More drinks were probably not the best plan.

"Maybe you should come up with better reasons. Or give it up altogether."

"What do you mean by that?" You were sure he was just talking nonsense in his state.

"I mean, I don't hurt you anymore, and I thought I apologized so I don't know why you're so butthurt about it still."

You remembered a similar point being made by Dazai. But wait a second, "You didn't apologize, firstly." And since when does he even use the word butthurt? What does that even mean?

"Nacchan, you're so cruel. Just because I never said so doesn't mean I wasn't sorry. Cruel-dumb Nacchan."

"You're… you're sorry about everything?"

"100%. I could have proved myself to Dazai some other way. Well. I _did_ prove myself. Sort of. He said I was stronger, so now all I can do is make sure that I keep it up. Haha, then you won't catch up!" He stuck his tongue out. "But really, Dazai pays attention to me, he praises me, even if he does joke a lot and seems to care about you too much for my liking, isn't this more ideal than what it was before? Had you not shown up I wouldn't have gotten this far. I almost think I should be thankful."

You briefly wondered if you could believe a word of this.

The way his words poured out naturally, hindered only by the way the wine slurred his speech, they all seemed too improvised to be some weird lie. He couldn't be plotting anything amiss like this.

"So, do you still hate me?" He asked.

You didn't want to think about this. You couldn't. Asking yourself that question was only okay if you got an instant 'yes' as the answer, and you weren't sure that would be the result.

"It's late, you need to get to sleep."

"Not until you answer my question. I won't sleep. Fuck you."

You were struck with a sudden inspiration.

Instead of answering, you moved over to where he was sitting on the sofa and picked him up. You weren't carrying him like Dazai was Chuuya, more like slinging him over your shoulder, but it still worked.

"Let me gooooo!" He slammed his fists against your back with as much force as he could muster like this. Ow.

But otherwise he was pretty light, and you had the advantages of being sober, relatively healthy in comparison, and the literal ability to transform into a tiger, so he was easy to carry into his room. When you dropped him on his bed he tried to get up, so you just held him down. There had to be a better way to handle him.

Just when you were coming to terms with the idea of staying there all night, you looked back down to see that Akutagawa had passed out.

Thank all of the gods.

End Day 9


	10. Day 10

Day 10

A/N: This takes place in the AM so it fucking counts as day 10, ok? Good

You had gone to bed thinking about everything Akutagawa said while drunk.

It couldn't be true… could it? He wasn't sorry. He wanted you to go die in a hole somewhere and leave him alone. What about all of the things he said to you before all of the roommate stuff happened?

 _Weak people like you shouldn't be here._

Weren't all of those things still true?

 _You're a nothing but a weed to me._

Didn't he still believe that?

 _You're seeking someone to tell you that it's okay for you to live like this-_

What could have changed?

 _But you ask yourself if you even deserve it._

 _You're pathetic._

Was it you?

 _You don't deserve any of it._

 _You don't deserve help,_

 _You don't deserve pity,_

Was it him?

 _You don't even deserve life._

* * *

It was about 4 AM and you were absolutely furious that you were awake with such a horrible hangover at such an ungodly hour. However, all of the haze was cleared with a single and strong motivation.

You had woken up when you heard a loud noise from the next room.

You had to find out what caused it.

You rushed over to your roommate's bedroom without once questioning your overwhelming concern for the aforementioned roommate.

* * *

You didn't realize that you were having a nightmare until you were waking up with fleeting memories of being chased, surely running and running with no escape, all the while voices were droning on, their own beat, a universal constant saying that you were useless.

Falling out of your bed made things seem more real. Pain. That was real. You could feel that. The alarm clock by your bed, screaming out the time against your unadjusted eyes, 4:12 AM, 4:13 AM, signaled that time was passing. Real. The dream was fading. But even as the images from the dream left your head, you couldn't forget the words. They were chronic. Eternal. Getting louder and louder. You just wanted them to stop.

"It's too early, and frankly I am too hungover for any of this nonsense."

It was Akutagawa. Not a figment of your imagination. The very real, very hungover, and very pissed Akutagawa.

"Did you seriously fall out of your bed?"

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" Your voice came out funny. You were suddenly feeling very self-conscious. Your hair was disheveled, most of your pajama top unbuttoned. You felt something warm on your face and realized that you had been crying in your sleep too. You were thankful for the darkness keeping you hidden, because right then you were so exposed.

"I wouldn't be here if you hadn't woken me up." He was such a light sleeper it was supernatural. Although, the wall you fell next to was his room's, so the bump was probably loud there too.

"Sorry, again. You can go now. I'm okay." You just wanted him to go away. Badly. But you knew that your voice wavered too much for you to sound okay.

"Fuck. You're crying, aren't you?"

Why do the gods hate you?

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

He hovered in the doorway unsure, and mumbled "fuck my life" before entering the room and closing the door. He walked over to where you were in a ball of blankets and pillows. (When you go down, the entire bedspread comes with you.) "What was it?"

You tried to shrink into the fallen covers, "Just a nightmare. I'll live. You can go back to your room."

He wasn't buying it, though. "What was the nightmare about?"

You didn't understand.

"Nothing. I can hardly remember."

You didn't understand why he was here.

You didn't understand what was wrong either.

"You're still crying, though."

You didn't understand why you were doing that.

He sat down in front of you. The limited light from the window illuminated his dark eyes. They were determined.

You nodded in confirmation, a sign that you were agreeing to unspoken terms, talk and he leaves sooner, "I don't remember the details. But the feelings… I really don't want to describe it."

"If you keep crying like this, you'll have to explain eventually."

"Why are you still in here?"

He didn't respond, instead he just scooted over to your side. After a moment he presented a handkerchief. "I don't use it when I'm coughing, otherwise it would be bloody and I'd have to wash it a lot more."

You accepted it without a word. So he stayed silent while you tried to stop crying. It was an embarrassingly long period of time before he spoke again.

"Now that you've calmed down a bit, will you tell me?"

"I… I guess. What I know is that there were voices. They were yelling… upsetting things at me. It felt like I was trapped and couldn't do anything and they only got closer and louder. I was helpless..." You didn't want to tell him that he was one of the voices.

"What were they saying?"

"Basically, uhm, I guess they were telling me…" You couldn't get it out. You thought you were about to cry again, too.

"You aren't trapped right here. The voices are gone." He tried to remind you, but you couldn't correct his error. You were trapped. One of the voices was right in front of you. "Just breathe, in and out until you can talk again."

You followed his instructions. You felt a bit more calm. If only a bit.

"They wanted me to die. They said it over and over again in different ways but it was all the same. Like they wanted to say it until I believed it..."

Something in his eyes changed, "Do you think about dying a lot?" Despite the tension, he was slow and hushed, not raising his voice higher than the sound of the ceiling fan. This side of Akutagawa was so unusually gentle, and kind even?

"Probably more than I should." You tried to read his reaction. "Mostly just because of some memories, though. I doubt that helps much."

"Memories… are some of those like what I've said to you?"

You didn't want to respond. Because if you did, you wouldn't lie. Even though you tried so hard to not tell him how much he has hurt you, it didn't matter. Your silence was enough to say it for you.

He sounded calm, but there was a bitter tone behind it, "I almost wish I was still drunk. Then I wouldn't have to deal with how horrible this night is for such a horrible person like myself."

You also weren't going to dispute that. "If it's any consolation, you weren't the first and you weren't even the last to say stuff like that to me."

"You aren't supposed to be consoling me, you're the one who just spent like ten minutes crying."

"It wasn't ten minutes."

"Whatever is best for your pride." A beat. "But, so, I think. I'm going to cash in on that favor for the cat, now."

"What do you mean?"

"I've mostly fucked up in any aspect of life that isn't taking it. I'd rather not manage to kill you with some things I said."

It probably wasn't the time to think of jokes. "Then at least you could say you're a _killer_ conversationalist."

He shot daggers at you. "I, you, this… You are making jokes at a time like this? Don't you see what I'm trying to tell you?" It was embarrassing to see him try to get the words out, but not as embarrassing as it was for you, still trying to figure out what he meant.

"Sorry… You should probably tell me things directly, I'm not that smart."

He paused, stopping and starting several times, before finally getting out what he wanted to say.

"I want you to live."

Confusion.

That was what you felt when one of the voices that used to tell you that your life meant nothing turned into a voice that told you it was ok to live.

The moonlight let you see that he was flushed, probably having never said anything like it before. "Please don't say anything. Just. We've talked a lot tonight already. It's probably better to try and get some more sleep. Can you tell me that you're okay now? I won't leave until I at least know that."

You felt surprisingly okay.

"I didn't know you cared so much, Akkun~" You smiled, and while you tried to make it sound like you were teasing him, you were genuinely happy.

He just frowned back, hesitating with concern before standing up and heading for the door. Akutagawa lingered another moment in the threshold, saying "Sweet dreams, Nacchan" before leaving you alone on the floor of your room to let your thoughts catch up.

* * *

Dazai confronted you at the detective agency, "Chuuya told me that Akutagawa told Higuchi to cover for him today so he wouldn't have to work. Did something happen?"

This was the first you were hearing about it. "Probably just hungover and didn't want to leave the apartment."

Dazai 'hmm'd at you with suspicion before returning back to whatever it was that Dazai did instead of working.

* * *

When you got home, Akutagawa wasn't on the couch like normal. Weird, but he was probably asleep in his room.

"You're the roommate?" You felt something sharp against your back. Behind you, where the voice came from, someone had a knife on you. When you turned your head, you saw a familiar looking girl. Akutagawa's sister, Gin.

Her street clothes paired up with the weapon made for an odd, but still rather intimidating image. You didn't know if she had any ability or how scary she actually was, but frankly you didn't want to risk it.

"Please don't murder me, I didn't do anything wrong." You wondered if asking politely enough would help. Probably not.

"Gin. Stop that." Another voice called out. You didn't have to turn to know it was Akutagawa.

You felt the knife's pressure lessen and watched as a silent conversation took place between the two siblings. You had no idea what it was about, though. You were a complete outsider to their ways.

Briefly, you entertained the notion of a family reunion for them but nobody ever said anything, before remembering there was no other living family members. Whoops.

"Contrary to his appearance, he isn't that easy to kill. Believe me, I would know." Akutagawa finally said.

Gin seemed to be appeased, and went over to her brother. She moved eerily quickly. In another second, she started dragging her brother back to his room by the ear.

You were confused, so you just followed them. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

"My sister is here because she thought something might be wrong."

Oh, because he didn't leave the apartment this morning? He probably didn't intend for that to happen. He also probably didn't know that Chuuya would tell Dazai about his absence.

"Hm, and why would she have thought that, Akkun?" No point in letting him know that you were already aware of the circumstances.

His sister looked at you weirdly.

"So Dazai found out and decided to tell you?" He asked.

Damn. You were too transparent. Not that it mattered much anyway. But you still begrudged any losses in the eternal competition between you and him.

"Yeah… Anyway, everything is fine, right?"

He glared at you and you wondered if asking about his well-being was off-limits still, despite anything that happened at 4 AM. Were you supposed to pretend that that never happened? Were you supposed to be nice to him now?

His sister started to leave the room while you were distracted, and her voice reminded you that there was technically a guest in your home. "I'm going to go make tea. Roommate-person. Show me where the kettle is."

You obliged and followed her out, remembering your manners half-way through, "Wait, you don't have to make tea! Let me."

She didn't hesitate to dissuade you, "It will be better if I do it. He is very particular about his tea." She nodded towards the direction of her brother.

"I'll at least help out, then. Oh, right, we haven't formally introduced ourselves. I'm Atsushi Nakajima, your brother's temporary roommate. I like cats and chazuke." You put your hand out for her to shake.

She kept walking. "Gin Akutagawa." You realized that she didn't talk much, and you were probably being rude forcing her to introduce herself when you already knew who she was. But after a moment, she added, "Please take care of me… and my brother, too."

There was a peaceful silence as you both prepared the tea, until she spoke again. "What is your relationship with my brother?" She asked bluntly.

"Eh?!"

"He doesn't really make friends. He isn't social at all. It makes your existence very confusing."

"We aren't exactly friends, I guess… we sorta just got shoved into this living situation."

She still looked perplexed. "Then why do you call him 'Akkun'?"

"Ah, it was a joke, I think?"

"It still doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't make sense?"

"When he's with you he's so much more… expressive."

You didn't know what to say to her. Maybe you could explain the entire situation, starting with how he tried to kill you and working your way from there. But you didn't know how much she heard from her brother about you, so you didn't want to risk saying anything weird. After all, upon first seeing you she put a knife to your back. It was probably better to let her figure this one out on her own.

The tea was ready.

"Ah, Gin- is it okay if I call you by your first name?- let me carry the tray, it's the least I can do."

She looked back at you, not surrendering the tray, or moving at all. After an uncomfortably long period of eye contact, she finally said, "I see it now."

"Hm?"

"That disarming smile of yours. The helpful nature. Even someone like my brother would falter if left near you long enough."

Those were the last words she said you you that day. Partially because she was quiet, but mostly because when she turned and took the tea to her brother, you decided not to follow.

* * *

Your sister wasn't really one to talk. So you didn't talk much either. However, you were deadly curious about the conversation you couldn't quite hear happening in the kitchen earlier.

* * *

The two siblings seemed content staying in the other room, and you were happy letting them be. When Gin finally stepped out, she left a piece of paper with contact information on the table by you. She didn't say anything, but you got the idea that it was a 'just in case' sort of thing.

After Gin went home, you tried to solve a sudoku puzzle and just enjoyed the solitary free time, even considering going to bed early since it was such a calm night. That is, until the crackling of the intercom came on.

"Akkun get out here. We've got to do the challenge for today." You called back towards his room.

Dazai was tapping something impatiently on his end. "Thank you, Atsushi. Today's challenge will be quick, so I'll be out of your hair in a jiffy."

Akutagawa finally entered the room, coughing and wearing pajamas. Of course he must have been wearing them that morning, but you didn't notice before.

"Stop looking at me like that, weirdo." He said, noticing your gaze.

"...Sorry."

"You both are so unusual, today," Dazai said, "Did something happen?" His voice was enough to let you know that the question was rhetorical. Dazai already had his answer and wanted to see you squirm. Knowing this didn't stop you from feeling extremely uncomfortable, though. Akutagawa looked the same as you felt. "Ah, I see. Don't worry about it. In fact, Roommate Challenge #10: Stop being awkward!"

Okay…?

Akutagawa just yawned, too tired to complain probably.

"How exactly do we just stop being awkward?" You asked.

"Talk to each other like normal human beings? It's simple, really." Dazai suggested.

"Simple." Akutagawa repeated.

"I have complete faith in the both of you. And just in case my faith isn't enough, I remind you that the penalty challenges are still a thing, and they are typically worse than the normal challenges. Goodnight now~"

As his voice faded out, the apartment was left in silence.

You figured that the only way to stop being awkward was to cut the problem off at its source.

You caused the problem with your weird emotions and being too confused to stop yourself from comforting your roommate that morning, so you would just have to get rid of all of the foreign feelings.

"My recommendation is that we forget about the exchange this morning." Akutagawa said at some point.

"Does 4 AM really count as the morning?"

"That is besides the point."

"How about we call it 4 AM instead of this morning, then."

"That doesn't matter in the slightest."

You knew that, of course. But for some reason you didn't want to respond to his idea. It seemed almost counter-productive to forget about. You had made progress. You had seen a side of him that had probably rarely seen the light of day. You wanted to see that side of him again, even.

"I don't think your idea will work for me."

"Do you have an idea that will work, then?"

"I don't know. I'm really tired and confused. Let me just think on my own for a while." You went off to your room, taking care not to look back, because seeing him with 4 AM fresh in mind was too much to process. Remembering the look in his pretty eyes from said time was too much to process. Noticing that you keep calling his eyes pretty was also too much to process, but less of an immediate issue.

You plopped down face first onto your mattress with resignation.

Staying awake was such a chore, that your brain forgot to remind you that there was still a challenge to complete before you fell asleep.

End Day 10


	11. Day 11

Day 11

A/N: ugteuehgjfdkngldsjflkjf

Also i'm trying to publish this with the days irl but like,, chapter 13 isn't done yet

Oh no.

You woke up to light streaming through the window, and the birds singing. It would be a wonderful morning if not for the fact that you didn't intend to fall asleep. You took solace in the fact that it was your day off, and went back to sleep. The hole you dug for yourself would still be there to deal with later.

This time, when you woke up, you were on the floor again, but it wasn't caused by falling.

It was by Akutagawa pushing you.

"It's your own fault. You wouldn't wake up."

You took a moment to adjust. Akutagawa was towering over in his typical jacket and annoying cravat. Weird. If he wasn't gonna use the jacket, why would he bother? Wouldn't he just wear street clothes? You were confused for a moment before you remembered that you probably didn't have the same day off as him, duh.

He didn't say another word to you before leaving the apartment. You heard the door slam on his way out.

When you checked your phone, you had mail from Dazai. The subject line said "Penalty Challenge Instructions- Atsushi Only!"

Message:

 _Hiii Atsushi~_

 _I made the decision that you shoulder the blame for failing Roommate Challenge #10 by not making any strides with Akutagawa and instead falling asleep. You were supposed to be the child I could be proud of! ლ(_ _ಥ_ _Д_ _ಥ_ _)ლ_

 _Regardless, I'm sure you can redeem yourself easily by completing this penalty (on top of the Roommate Challenges) all on your own~_

 _s(˵◕‿↼✿)b_

…

You finished reading the message. You didn't know whether to be horrified or grateful that he wasn't all that angry at you for failing? It mostly just seemed like he was being dramatic about his disappointment, but sometimes you were certain he was threatening you.

Basically, what Dazai wanted you to do was simple. You had to get a birthday present for Akutagawa. Dazai explicitly said that it had to be genuine, and not anything really cheap and thoughtless. Gift cards were vetoed immediately. Not the worst challenge in the world, after all, you had considered the fact that his birthday was soon before. The problem was you always managed to convince yourself not to get him anything because that would be really weird.

Which meant you had no ideas. Was Akutagawa the kind of person who even wanted birthday gifts? Who would know that aside from the blonde lady that stalks him? (You mentally chided yourself for poor phrasing. Her name was Higuchi and you had no right to judge her.)

 _Recipient: Gin Akutagawa_

 _Message:_

 _Hi there, it's Atsushi Nakajima- your brother's roommate that you met yesterday._

 _I heard that his birthday is coming up and was wondering if I could ask for some help in deciding a gift. I know it's a bit late, but if there's anything you can think of that he mentioned wanting or at least needing please don't hesitate to tell me._

 _Sorry for troubling you._

 _End Message_

She was probably busy, so expecting a quick response would be outrageous. But you just couldn't think of anything to get him on your own. To pass time waiting for her to text back, you absentmindedly dug through your pockets. There were gum wrappers, spare coins and- what is that?

Oh! Folded up neatly in your pocket was the handkerchief Akutagawa lent you during the 4 AM incident. It was plain and white, but in the corner was the letters "R.A." embroidered on rather nicely. Seemed almost professional.

What kind of person had their initials embroidered on a handkerchief they rarely even use? Jeez, what an asshole.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket.

 _Sender: Gin Akutagawa_

 _Message:_

 _Good luck._

 _End Message_

You sighed. It was probably too much to ask of her after all. Her brother must be a huge mystery to her as well.

It was two glasses of coffee and an unmeasurable amount of scones before you had an idea.

* * *

When you returned to your apartment, you found your handkerchief cleanly washed and neatly placed on the foot of your bed. You didn't have it in you to be angry at your roommate for going into your room without permission.

There was a little note under it, though.

Hi Akkun!

Are you free around 7-9 PM on March 1st?

This is technically a part of the penalty challenge Dazai gave me but I can compromise if it's not good.

I'm going out so I probably won't be here when you return (hence his note). Get back to me sometime soon, though.

What.

* * *

"Dazai gave Roommate Challenge #11 while you were gone." Akutagawa was waiting on the couch. You put your bag down by the door. He noticed but didn't say anything.

"Hm? What does he want us to do this time?"

"Not much. He grumbled something about leaving notes being inefficient but still kinda cute and then said that we have to have each other's phone numbers."

"Only that?" Exchanging phone numbers was pretty easy.

Akutagawa looked at you, confused, "...you are peculiar."

"What do you mean?"

"You just ignored all of Dazai's nonsense and got straight to the point."

"You do that sometimes"

"Yeah, but you exclaim and complain more often."

"I'm tired, it was a long day. Here's my phone number." You paused. "Oh! I returned your handkerchief, did you see the note?"

He took his sweet time drinking his tea, rather than responding immediately. Like a jerk. "I left one in your room, after. I think that's why Dazai was complaining. He doesn't think we can have normal conversations on a regular basis."

"I probably agree."

* * *

You found Akutagawa's note on your bed.

 _Nacchan._

 _I'm fairly certain you are aware that March 1st is my birthday. What are you planning?_

 _(I have no plans that evening, though.)_

As expected, he knew you were planning something. But he didn't say no?

Recipient: Akkun

Message Content:

Atsushi here, so about your birthday. I'm gonna take you out since you don't have any plans (: don't refuse seeing as it's part of a penalty challenge from Dazai (:

Thanks

End Message

That sounded too passive-aggressive or commanding even? You think the smiley faces were too much.

Recipient: Akkun

Message Content:

Hello, it's Atsushi Nakajima.

Regarding your birthday, I have made plans to celebrate with you for reasons involving Dazai. Would you do me a favor and attend?

Apologies for the inconvenience.

End Message

Augh, then you sounded weirdly formal and not persuasive at all.

You ended up drafting several and getting advice from your clan of female friends (famous for their aforementioned advice) before finding one that may convince him to go along with your plan without actually telling him what it is.

His response was just "K." It wasn't even worth the author typing out all of the annoying message stuff.

End Day 11


	12. Day 12

Day 12

A/N: I just realized how ridiculous the concept of them falling in love over the course of 13 days is but oh fucking well it's day 12 and i have lots of coffee in my system rn lets do it.

You woke up early to buy some stuff from the store for making cookies. You figured that sugar was something everybody needed on their birthday, but didn't want to risk making cake and failing colossally. At least the worst you can do with cookies is burn them.

Or, that's what you assumed.

* * *

Taking full advantage of your free weekend from work, you got several things done. You cleaned, put clothes in the washing machine, changed Maru-Chan's litter, made yourself a real breakfast, and eventually lunch, and even coordinated some things with Gin to insure there would be no disaster when dealing with Akutagawa the following day. You were the poster-boy for productivity.

You texted Kyouka about making cookies and she instantly decided to come over- making sure your roommate was out first. Nobody wanted to be there to see Kyouka and Akutagawa meeting again after their complicated past.

Of course, she was a loyal friend to you through and through and had been listening to you complain and seek advice the past eleven or twelve days with Akutagawa, but something didn't sit right with you. Even the previous night when she and the others (The Help Atsushi Group Chat, made up of Yosano, Lucy, Kyouka, and you. In return for their advice you do them favors that you would probably end up doing anyway. Though, you think they are genuinely concerned for your well-being. Sometimes it's hard to tell.) were talking to you, Kyouka didn't seem to respond as much, and ended up going to bed early.

"So, why are you making cookies, anyway?" She asked.

You didn't think the truth would be particularly helpful in this situation, "No reason." You cringed because it would be your luck that your voice cracked.

"Don't lie to me so blatantly. You've already told me about everything with your roommate, it's not like at this point hiding things makes a difference."

"What? How did you figure out it was for Akkun so quickly?"

" _Akkun_?"

Whoops. You were always careful to avoid the nickname in the group chat.

"Okay. I can explain. That nickname was supposed to annoy him, and it completely backfired when he started calling me Nacchan."

"But, why are you celebrating his birthday at all? Dazai only required a gift?"

"I dunno. It's sorta a feeling I just have that I shouldn't hate him anymore. Maybe living with him just numbed it all. It's confusing and don't have an answer, okay?"

You thought that she should be angry at you. That she should feel betrayed. She had more than enough reason to be.

"I think that you are holding yourself back." She finally said.

You didn't get it. "I'm not…?"

"Yes you are. You don't know why you don't hate him because part of you still thinks you have to. I've been friends with you long enough to know that you can't figure out how to be around him while being fclose with me."

"That's not true!" You found yourself trying to deny it.

She just looked at you.

"Okay… maybe it's a little true."

"You have no obligation to hate him for me. If I hate him, then that is my personal business. The things he has done to me were done to me, not you. I'm not the one who lives in an apartment with him. So stop. Consider my feelings when it comes to snacks, or movies, not other people. Use your own judgement. You and I aren't the same. You have it in you to forgive." She glared at you pointedly, making sure to emphasize her last words:

"You should forgive him."

Just like that, you think a dam broke within you. As if all of your feelings had been held behind a leaking wall, overflowing with the water growing stronger each day you lived in the apartment and all of the confusion was your hatred mixing with the spillover. A drop of _his eyes are pretty_ , or _you shouldn't let him sleep on the couch_ would integrate into the stream of consciousness and you would find it all confusing as they accumulated. The dam wouldn't stop it any longer, especially with Kyouka right there tearing it down with her words. _You should forgive him._

The heaviness of the dam seemed to dissipate, a weight lifted off of your shoulders. It turns out that trying to restrict your own thoughts is rather stressful, and the anxiety was finally dissipating.

"Kyouka," Where would you be without her? "Thanks for being understanding."

Before she responded, you had a realization.

"CRap, the cookies are burning!"

* * *

"Okay these are unsalvageable let's make another batch."

"I'm eating them anyway."

"Kyouka, no!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Where is your restroom?"

* * *

"Akkun will probably get back soon, you should probably head out."

"Can I take some of the cookies with me?"

"I think I burned this batch, too."

"How? I was right here watching the timer."

"I think I'm probably cursed."

Static buzzing over the intercom stopped your conversation, "Sorry about the interruption, but I just had a brilliant idea for a roommate challenge! Hi, Kyouka~"

"Hello." She responded.

"Aren't you at work, Dazai?" You asked.

He laughed, "Literally everybody knows that I'm not doing anything, why bother hiding it?"

"I mean, you aren't wrong." Kyouka reached for a cookie while she thought you were distracted but you caught the movement and pushed her hand away.

You continued with the conversation, "Anyways, why are you mentioning the challenge right now? Akkun isn't here yet." Damn. You hated how naturally the nickname rolled off the tongue even when he wasn't there. Although, you guess you don't have to hate him anymore. So that should be okay.

No…

It's still weird.

It still seemed frustrating. What was the expression, old habits die hard? Old grudges die even harder then.

"Oh, young and naive Atsushi. Haven't you figured out by now that I have a tendency of putting more work onto you?"

You just groaned as a response. There was nothing you could do.

"I might stop giving you challenges one day soon. Just persevere for now. Roommate Challenge #12: Welcome your roommate home."

"Eh?"

"It's simple. When he gets back you just say 'Welcome home~' and bam you're done with the challenge just like that."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why not make him do it instead?"

"Just because."

* * *

You smelled smoke before entering the apartment. The smoke alarm's annoying beeping came while you were unlocking the door (you don't know why you locked it, really, probably because you aren't used to having a roommate).

"Not again!" You heard Atsushi's voice exclaim.

When you finally got the door open (it took a few rushed attempts), you saw him standing on a folding chair, removing the smoke alarm from the ceiling by force. He noticed you in the doorway and promptly fell off of the chair. Yikes.

When he got back up, he looked at you with that toxically sweet smile of his and the day probably brightened around him, making you forget the smoke and even the incredibly distracting apron he was wearing (it had a cat on it).

"Welcome home!"

What.

"Sorry about the mess in the kitchen and the smoke alarm and the, err, smoke. I'm making cookies and failing miserably."

You had lots of questions. "Why are-"

"Wait! You're forgetting something!"

"What am I forgetting?"

He just crossed his arms as if it was obvious, "What do you say when someone welcomes you back?"

Was he serious?

"You can't be serious."

"I'm super serious!"

The way he was pouting with his hands on his hips and his nose raised strongly resembled a child and in no way conveyed seriousness, but you weren't going to argue with something so cute.

"I'm home…"

* * *

"I've wasted so much cookie dough batter, I feel like such a failure."

"I get why you're making cookies, but you know you don't have to keep trying. You probably should've given up after you burned the second batch." Akutagawa was tidying up some of the kitchen, probably out of pure reflex.

You tried to keep up casual conversation, but you thought you were on the brink of hyperventilation. Not fighting with Akutagawa (at least not initiating fights with) was surprisingly nice. The problem came in not restraining your thoughts about him anymore, and not knowing what to do with any of it. You were suddenly noticing weird details about how he acts or talks, even how he looks. Especially about his hair. You kept thinking you didn't like how one of the strands was in his face and you wanted to push it back.

"If you're going to collapse, try to do it where I won't have to deal with you."

You took a moment to process what he was saying. "What do you mean?"

"You look like you're about to pass out." He observed.

"Oh! Sorry. Just been in the kitchen with burnt for a while. I need to take a break, probably…" You awkwardly laughed, hoping the excuse was good enough.

He just shrugged and reached for a cookie.

"Wait, no! Don't eat that, it might kill you." You warned.

He seemed intent upon eating the cookie. "This one doesn't look burnt. Besides, it was made for me so I'm going to eat it."

"Ah, even if it isn't very burnt I think something went wrong, you really can't trust anything I make that isn't microwavable."

He ended up eating the entire cookie despite your protests.

"You should probably give up trying to make cookies for me." He went off to his room without another word.

You were curious so you tried one from the same batch. If he finished the cookie at least it was edible?

…

…

You think you put salt in the batter instead of sugar.

Whether that is a testament to Akutagawa's tolerance or his determination remains unknown.

* * *

"I can't believe you."

"What's wrong?"

"Why are you still making cookies?"

"I'm not making them, I'm decorating now! Oh, I probably should've asked if you liked frosting… but they're sugar cookies so you have to eat them with frosting, that's like a rule of nature!"

Sure, maybe you had gotten a little carried away with trying to put cute little images on them, then messing up and starting over a lot, but that didn't mean he had any right to judge you. You were even making the cookies for him too!

He walked into the kitchen and gestured for you to hand him a thing of frosting.

"What are you doing, Akkun?" You asked as you handed him the frosting.

"I'm going to help you finish so that you'll leave the kitchen faster." He said is plainly, as if it was incredibly obvious.

"No!"

"No?"

"I want to make these on my own!" You casually left out the part where Kyouka helped you. "Why do you want me out the kitchen so badly, anyway?"

He crossed his arms, "I want to make tea."

"So, just make tea."

"The kitchen is too small."

"I'll move this over a bit then to make room."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because," He looked frustrated. "Because this is disgusting."

You didn't understand, "I'm sorry that my cookies aren't good?"

"Not that," He put his hand on his forehead, looking around with an anxiety in his eyes like something was on fire.

"Then what?!"

" _This!_ " He shouted.

There was a pause as he realized he had yelled, and you tried to find words that wouldn't make him angrier.

"This whole thing," He gestured around the room as if to emphasize his point, "The cookies, the apartment, the phone numbers, the way you welcomed me home. It's domestic. It's normal. I can't stand it. You and Dazai are just driving me insane."

You wanted to object, to somehow contradict it all, but at the end of the day those were his feelings and no matter how badly you wanted it to be different you had no power over the situation.

He left the kitchen and grabbed something from the side table before starting for the exit

"Where are you going?" You asked.

He grumbled something about getting tea before slamming the door.

* * *

You don't even like pre-made tea.

* * *

You heard some slamming outside of your room, which you assumed was Akutagawa entering the apartment. He didn't have to be so aggressive about it.

A moment later you received a text from him that just said the word "Refrigerator". Just cryptic enough to leave you confused, but with enough prompting to give you directive. _Thanks, Akutagawa._

There wasn't anything unusual about the kitchen, the cookies were in tupperware containers, neatly stacked on the side, the counters were wiped clean of evidence that you were a disaster with baking, and the recipe you printed out was neatly torn to shreds and buried in the recycling. Just like you left it.

Within the fridge you discovered the reason Akutagawa texted you:

A can of tea.

You could interpret it several different ways.

You decided to think of it as an apology.

End Day 12


	13. Day 13

Day 13

A/N: Can I be real with y'all? I wrote 95% of this freshman year and then thought I would finish it sophmore year when I did some posting then abandoned it until now. I have a habit of looking at only the negatives of my old writing. This feels immature and very OOC, so I've never been able to finish it. Recently, I reread some of it. There's a lot that I would change. Akutagawa acts nothing like how I think he should, there's too much dialogue, punctuation errors are riddled throughout, et cetera. But, there's a lot that I enjoy, too. I used to be a lot funnier, apparently. I can feel that I really enjoyed writing this a few years ago. Therefore, I'm going to put the mistakes behind me and finish it! Thank you for reading my silly little story. I would have forgotten about this fic entirely if it weren't for the few little yet powerful comments I got. We're going into 2019 with these productivity energies; some projects can be finished.

Today was the day. Akutagawa's birthday.

You felt somehow relieved that it came so quickly as it would be gone just as fast. But the way you left off yesterday felt too abrupt.

You'd just have to turn the sour mood from then into something sweet! And by that you clearly mean the cookies. You would force Akutagawa to eat the final result even if it meant forcing them down his throat.

When you actually presented him a tray with tea and cookies he looked at you with a mixture of disdain and resignation. "I know it's a bit weird to eat cookies for breakfast, but there's also tea so yeah. Plus it's your birthday so why not splurge a little?" The cat trotted over and almost made you topple the tray but tiger reflexes beat kitten reflexes. "Do you want some tea, Maru-chan? Since he doesn't want it we'll have to have everything all to oursel-"

Akutagawa practically lept over and took the tray from you.

When you looked at him expectantly, he only turned back and responded, "Sweets are bad for cats."

You grinned. "I didn't know you cared."

"I don't. I just think you would be hard to deal with if the cat died." He proceeded to sit down and regard the tray with suspicion. "What kind of tea is this?"

"Before you judge it, I texted your sister to make sure, and she told me exactly how to make your tea. Detailed instructions and everything."

"Just how much have you been corresponding with Gin?"

"Drink your tea." You smiled at him and started walking away. Part of it was because your phone was buzzing, the other part was because talking to him made you anxious. A weird new anxious, though. Not as if you feared for your well-being, but as if the atmosphere around him was static electricity that surged through your heart every time he spoke.

Your phone had a message from Dazai with a picture of a squid and the caption 'do you think she is beautiful?'

* * *

Your phone had a message from Dazai. He instructed you to call him after mafia work for the day, because he had a roommate challenge for you.

The prospect of another roommate challenge aged you a decade or so. Rather than deal with Atsushi and become even older, you grabbed a cookie and shrugged your coat on, deciding it was about time to face the day.

The cookie was surprisingly edible.

* * *

When you got back, Akutagawa had managed to sneak away without a word to you. You shrugged it off seeing as he would be busy and you already were monopolizing his time in the evening. You had to get going, anyway.

First you had an appointment at a salon where Yosano had connections. It was a small place, run by one woman. It seemed she offered hair, makeup, and other beauty services. It felt like overkill just standing in the parlor. You were under the assumption you'd just get a quick hair trim and head out, but the lady there was super excited. She wanted to wash your hair and style it up and everything. You didn't have the will to refuse her, frankly.

She also noticed your nails and offered to fix them up for you, "It's just so rare to get an adorable boy who likes nail polish. Besides, it's completely natural for me to want to pamper a friend of Akiko's."

"Uh, then, sure, I guess… How did you say you knew Yosano?"

She winked in response before turning away to get her extra supplies. After another moment, she turned around suddenly and said, "Oh my god! While we're at it could I also do your makeup? You would look so wonderful with eyeliner!"

Oh boy…

* * *

Work was bloody.

A good distraction from the hectic ways life had operated lately. The icing on the birthday cake, really.

At about midday, Dazai called. You weren't sure how to deal with speaking to him so often. You've gone through just about every way to feel about him. Somewhere past admiration and over hatred, you've tried to settle with acknowledgement. Everyone who has involved themselves with the mafia has done things they regret. Even though you wish Dazai would say it to your face, you're certain he knows how he has wronged you. You've tried to get past the feeling of being some abandoned puppy, lashing out like a rabid dog at the world for its neglects. It's better to think that fate isn't done with you yet, that Dazai is out there somewhere trying to improve the world before he leaves it.

"Heya, how's the birthday boy, today?"

"The same as yesterday, and the day before that, and every day before that for the last 21 years." You responded dully.

"That sounds fake, but okay. Are you excited for this evening?"

You hesitated, as this was the other drawback of being so close to Dazai, lately; everything was always involving Atsushi. "As excited as I've been for yesterday's evening, and the evening before that, and every evening before that for the last 21 years."

"That _also_ sounds fake. Can you seriously tell me you aren't even a little bit interested in what Atsushi has worked so hard to plan for tonight?"

"I'm not interested in whatever you told Atsushi to do tonight as part of some weird challenge."

You were heading back to headquarters. Higuchi would have a heart attack if you didn't report back after such a 'dangerous' mission. You'll humor her, even if taking care of things only took a few minutes. Besides, Gin would be there too, and you wanted to ask her why she had been talking to Atsushi lately.

Not that you cared about anything Atsushi was doing.

"I think you're making an assumption there. I only told Atsushi that he had to get you a birthday gift. Anything extra is of his own volition."

Wait a second.

"What."

The remainder of the conversation went just about as well as that revelation. Or perhaps worse. Actually, definitely worse.

* * *

You have no idea what the salon lady did to you, but you kinda like it.

"I really made your eyes pop! No, wait, don't touch it. You can't fuck it up until the night's done. I did use some sturdy stuff, but you shouldn't test it." She started to clean up her supplies while you gazed into the mirror.

It's hard to say what you expected. But it wasn't this. Part of you thought that she would put a lot of makeup on you and it would look terrible. Yet, she made it look pretty natural. The only part that stood out was the eyeliner, cat-eyed and sharp. Maybe part of it was also the hair. You hadn't gotten it cut in a long time, and didn't notice how much your bangs were in your face. Even without letting her cut it even like she wanted, she had made your silver locks seem smoother and lighter.

"Since you don't do makeup often, here's a little care-package. Inside is a couple makeup wipes, some chapstick, and a pocket mirror. Make sure you wipe off the makeup before you go to bed tonight."

You couldn't refuse her generosity.

"Ah, one more thing. Akiko just texted me, she wants a picture. Smile!"

Sometime very soon this picture would get out to every member of the ADA. The situation was out of your hands the moment you took Yosano's advice, though.

* * *

You might've been too eager, getting ready for everything early. By the time you'd made every stop, ran every errand, it was only 5 o'clock. You'd told Akutagawa to get back at 6:30. What else could you do with the remaining time? There had to be something, otherwise you'd start thinking too much and get stressed.

Fortunately, changing clothes took longer than you thought it would. You had just finished and were looking in the mirror, prepping, trying to fix little details, when you heard the apartment door open. He was early, too.

"I'm back," he called from the living room. "I'm a somewhat early but I had a question." His voice approached the door to your room and you panicked. You hadn't mentally prepared for him to be there yet. What if he thought you looked stupid? You were definitely going overboard. Where did you put the present again? The bedside table, right? He didn't give you enough time to react before he opened the door.

"Did yo— What. Why do you look so fancy?"

Standing there in makeup and a suit in front of the work-sullied, plain-clothed Akutagawa made you feel a bit silly. It was by no means encouraging that you didn't know how to interpret the look of confuddlement on his face. Rather than find out sooner, you went to your bedside table and grabbed the neat little envelope. He kept looking on with the crunched up expression and crinkled nose as you presented the thin slip to him.

"Happy birthday!" There was no room for this ugly nervousness when you were supposed to be the optimistic, foolhardy one.

Wordlessly, he took it. With a pause, he transformed the face of confusion into something neutral. It was better than downright disgust or trepidation. You stuck with the hope that a neutral expression could mean anything about his expectations, and not just the bad things. Peeling open the crisp seal, examining the front of the card, opening it and assessing the contents, he remained expressionless. That's when hope became agitation and you just wanted to know his reaction.

"These are… tickets?" He asked.

You nodded. "It's not like a really cool show or anything, but you mentioned liking musicals and I thought you might like to see one onstage rather than recorded. You don't have to if you don't want to or anything. Dazai didn't say you had to like the gift, or that you had to go along with it. Oh and I guess you don't have to go with me if you don't want to." Suddenly so many anxieties started bubbling out. You felt all at once the weight of how terrible of an idea this must've been. "I don't know if Gin is busy or if you have friends you might want to go with and I probably should've just bought tickets for you for sometime in the future so you wouldn't have to stress about it now—"

"Be quiet, Nacchan. You're rambling stupidly."

You clapped your mouth shut. He didn't start talking again so you just watched him, searching for an inkling of his thoughts beneath the porcelain skin. His fingers wore at the tickets, pinching them tight to the card that he gazed upon. It wasn't a very elegant or unique card, you thought. You had found one with a funny cat pun on and captioned the cat picture as Maru-chan. On the inside, you drew a little tiger next to another cat picture. The card was probably more suited to your tastes, but you thought he might appreciate the humor.

"I don't have a suit at this apartment." Akutagawa finally announced.

You breathed out a sigh of relief. That was what he took an issue with? Thank god it was something you could actually do something about. "I actually already talked to your sister about that. There's one waiting in your room right now."

He looked somewhat skeptical. "Do I have to wear eyeliner?"

"Huh? Oh! No! This wasn't part of the plan. Yosano's friend just got carried away and decided to do everything rather than just trim my hair."

"Alright. I'll let you know when I'm ready."

* * *

Sometimes you liked to convince yourself that he dresses the way he does because his ability is based on clothing. Yet, you've never seen him attack someone with the cravat. So, when he came into the living room looking a lot more elegant than you, you weren't exactly surprised. Yet, it still left you short of breath. _He looks really nice,_ you caught yourself thinking.

It was unfair, he didn't have much fancier clothing. It was through sheer virtue of how he wore the simple vest and tie that he looked so much more impressive.

"Are we gonna be late?" He asked, reminding you that there are things in the world that need to get done other than ogling him.

"Shit, yeah. Let me grab my bag real quick. You still have the tickets?"

* * *

You tried not to let yourself be taken aback by Atsushi's appearance each time you laid eyes on him. Somehow still, every time you so much as glanced in his direction, the tiger eyes glittered and cut through your thoughts. You looked down, away from the distracting smiles that crinkled those eyes. No matter where you looked you were conflicted. All over there were reminders of the past 12 days with him. His nails sparkled mischievously. His outfit made you wonder how much effort he put into this present. This present reminded you of the roommate challenges, both new and past. Thinking too much about those kept you from hearing Atsushi's words.

"What was that?" You asked.

"I was just wondering if you've ever gone to a live show before?"

"Oh. No. I don't go to things very often unless invited or forced."

Atsushi looked like he was scrambling to find things to talk about, to avoid being awkward. You weren't going to make it easier for him, though. Not out of spite, exactly, but because you didn't know how to hold conversation.

"Um, do your clothes fit okay? Gin said it would be okay like this."

"They fit fine."

"That's good! They look good!"

Someone needs to come put you both out of your misery.

"Good."

Thankfully, the venue was rather close, limiting their time to be awkward.

* * *

Mentally, you rummaged through all of the advice your group chat gave you last night. Kyouka was realistic, addressing your tendency to freak out over small things straight out. She advised you to not change your attitude too much. Trying to act too different would just scare him or make him angry again. Yosano agreed but said a little change is never bad. _He already knows you're a cheery dork,_ she counseled, _you can afford a little bit of charm thrown in._ Lucy sent you a list of things to bring up if you run out of things to talk about.

Huh. You didn't realize it until just now but… didn't it sound like they were preparing you for a date?

The realization possessed your entire body immediately, flushing the tips of your ears and making your palms sweat. Is that what they all thought? Were you giving that impression off to anyone else? What did Akutagawa think about all of this? Did he even notice your shift in attitude? Did he dismiss it as pleasing Dazai? What was it that you even wanted him to think?

You observed him, hopefully subtly, as he scanned the walls for a sign marking the restroom. He seemed pretty normal? His resting expression was some unreadable mixture of frustration and boredom. What _would_ he act like if he thought this was supposed to be a date? Disgusted? Tired? Probably some combination of those.

Still stuck on the idea, you entertained the image of what it would be like. You would gaze at his eyes openly, not bothering to hide appreciation behind excuses and hostility. You'd talk to him nonchalantly, breezing through your typical rhythm of bickering and joking. Maybe you'd link arms or hold hands and wouldn't that be a sight? Forget how scary it must look—Akutagawa enjoying time with someone without ulterior motive—what would other mafia members think?

"You can go find our seats while I use the restroom."

"No, I'll wait here. Wouldn't want one of us to get lost, haha."

"Okay, weirdo."

As he disappeared into the bathroom, you tried to dismiss your previous thoughts. It was silly to even consider something like that. There was no foundation for it. They were just two of Dazai's underlings, hanging out due to his influence. You didn't have to have a way to think of him that was so complicated. Rival, friend, partner… it was easiest to settle on roommate.

And you know what? You would work hard to be the best roommate ever giving him the best birthday ever. Or, at least not a terrible one.

* * *

When you emerged from the bathroom, Atsushi was idly fiddling with a bottle of chapstick, extending and retracting its contents. It was absolutely dumb and endearing to watch. You cleared your throat and said: "You're awfully enamored with that tube."

"Ah! Oh! You scared me. Sorry, I get bored easy if I'm not doing something. I like to fidget."

"It's fine," you amended softly. "Let's get seated."

He was just as antsy in the seats, alternating between fussing with his shirt sleeve and bobbing his leg. Part of you wanted to reach over and clamp him down. It was probably more realistic to distract him. So, you asked him a few questions about the show and if he did any research on it. Like that, with safe topics and clear answers, time passed more easily. Soon, the house lights dimmed and the first notes of the opening sequence played.

* * *

At intermission you entertained the idea of finishing the roommate challenge that Dazai issued you over the phone earlier. Atsushi was right there, you could really just get it over with. But you didn't know how to go about it. When he asked you if you wanted to go get a snack or a drink, you were more than content going along.

The theatre was very ornate. The stage was remarkable, with detailed panels and structures along the edges. The halls throughout the building didn't slack either. You're glad that Atsushi arranged outfits, because the idea of wearing jeans next to the oil paintings and bronze sculptures was outrageous. Sure, some people have no such problem with it, but you like to put yourself above others at all times.

The snacks were by no means phenomenal. Little carts of popcorn and candy were wheeled into the lobby area, lines stretching about for the intermission rush.

"I'll go through the line for you!" Atsushi volunteered, ever the brave soul. "You can just like lean against this wall and wait so you don't have to stand in the crowd."

So, you waited, watching the people go about their motions. There were a lot of couples in the crowd speaking animatedly about the first act and their favorite moment so far and such. No group drew your eye for long though. Somehow, you always found yourself looking at Atsushi again. He really did look different all gussied up and with a fresh haircut. The pale blazer he wore matched his hair and contrasted nicely with the plain black slacks. It compelled the gaze downwards, focused at the junction where his hip protruded. And, when he turned around, the betraying eyes kept looking…

* * *

The end of intermission was a tremendous relief because his features were hidden by the darkness. No longer could you clearly see the highlight of his cheekbones and the sharp edge of the eyeliner and his long pale lashes extending so far out from his bright magenta-gold tiger eyes. Likewise, maybe he couldn't see you staring so openly.

Scratch that, he certainly couldn't. He was transfixed by the show. Every high note hit had him softly gasping or held his eyes open in an unwinnable staring contest like he expected the next one to break down. You were supposed to be the one enjoying the show, but you kept getting caught observing him instead.

This was becoming a problem.

Maybe, just maybe, Dazai's roommate challenge made sense.

 _You need to be honest with him,_ Dazai had said over the phone. _He's been pretty vulnerable with you, I think you owe it to him to stop being a dodgy bitch for like a minute._

You weren't really interested in feelings and interpersonal relations and the likes, but going on in vagueness when you have to live with him was slowly driving you to madness. After this, you'd just rip off the bandage. Then, maybe this whole roommates thing could be over and done with.

* * *

"Wow! That was really good," you were surprised by how much you liked the show. "I didn't think I'd really like it that much. But wow, that song near the end. I almost started crying."

"You did cry."

"Maybe so. But anyway, what did you think? Did you like it?" More than anything you wanted him to have enjoyed it. You are an amazing roommate, god dammit.

"It was fascinating to see the blocking up close. The singing was also intriguing to hear unedited. Generally, official recordings will get the best audio and cut unneeded dialogue out from the middle of songs. To fully appreciate a show, I believe you need to consider the official versions and the live ones. I have not spent the time and effort on live shows, though. Now, I'm wondering if I should." He nodded in conclusion, pausing to cough before going back to being satisfied with himself.

You weren't expecting such a long response, but it was good that he didn't just say the show was 'fine'. This side of Akutagawa, the part that has interests and hobbies and wears clothes other than that ugly coat, was progressively becoming something that you didn't mind seeing. "Wow, Akkun: mafia thug by day, musical critic by night."

He stared dully at the comment, failing to appreciate the humor, before moving on with the conversation. "What time is it? I want to get back to the apartment at a decent time tonight."

"Oh, um, 9:30? It ran a bit longer than I thought it would."

Akutagawa looked down and processed the information, deciding something within before signalling you to keep pace with him. It wasn't exactly a rush, but you could certainly tell that he was eager to be back.

When you did get back to the apartment, he told you to sit down on the couch while he got a drink. Odd. You had kinda assumed that he would be done dealing with you for the night once the show was over. Why was he still talking to you? Surely he hadn't suddenly decided that he loves your company and would rather talk to you than get some extra sleep? Maybe he just wasn't ready to end the day yet? Maybe… he's lonely because it's his birthday?

Nah. Probably not.

"So," he began, handing you a glass of water, "I have to do a roommate challenge that Dazai told me to do earlier. I ask that you simply sit and listen for a while. I know that being quiet isn't exactly one of your strong-suits, but I have faith in your people-pleasing nature."

"Was your challenge just to roast me?"

"No. That's my natural dialogue. Now, be quiet." He took a long drink of water before continuing. "When I first met you, I hated you. To me, you were the one that unfairly got everything and deserved none of it. You already know that Dazai trained me long before you were in Yokohama. Because he was the one that gave me purpose and made me useful, I was very angry when he left. Then, you showed up. He picked you up out of the streets and gave you purpose and made you useful. I wanted to prove that I was better than you because I no longer had what you did."

Akutagawa looked tense, rehashing out things from your past battles that you kind of knew but rarely were told so directly. "Even though I despise it from everyone else, I hypocritically compared the two of us. I've concluded that we are more alike than either of us care to admit. We are just two pathetic orphans that Dazai used. Although you are not sharper than me, and are certainly less precise, we are both still his weapons. The difference lies in intent. While he had me use my ability for the mafia to do crime, he's had you in the agency saving people. For a while now I've been deliberating as to if this difference really matters. I found my answer through observing you."

"Through me?" You asked, still not quite sure of where he was going with this.

"Shh. And, yes. You are an odd creature. Even without Dazai, you stray closer to the path of good. I've wondered what for. And, for some unknown reason, you've tried to show me. The point of the whole doing good thing, that is. I think that it is the effect of your kindnesses on other people that makes it different from my path. I'm not one for making people happy or trying to save them, yet you've tried to do those for me."

"Your effect on me is something I try not to think about. Unfortunately, Dazai doesn't approve, so I've had to do some introspection. Looking back at the past week or so, I've done some unusual things. Even this feels so incredibly out of character that I await the minute I wake up and life returns to normal. I got mad at you about it just yesterday because I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling. I still don't know how to deal with any of this. Especially not getting dressed up and going to see a musical together. Everything about being near you drives me insane." Akutagawa paused, careful about his wording. "I don't hate it, though."

Your mind was swirling with confusion. He now looked directly at you, waiting for some reaction to his words. But you didn't know how to react. You didn't quite know what was said to you. "I don't think I get what you're trying to tell me. Is this still a part of Dazai's challenge?"

He looked frustrated for a moment before reaching and yanking you forward by the collar, bringing your lips to his in the middle. They collided for a brief instant that felt like an eternity before he reared back and said, "I'm trying to tell you that I think I fell in love with an idiot."

"What?" You also pulled back, biting your lips in the confusion. "Are you sure?"

He touched his hand to his temple, letting out a groan of resentment. "I don't know! I just. For the longest time my thoughts of you have been clouded over with hatred. When I cleared room out for other observations, I started noticing weird things about you and this weird feeling in my chest when you smiled. And being mean to you stopped being about being jealous and bitter and started being fun teasing. And now I'm stuck here telling you all of this when I know nothing can come of it."

Before words your mind started coming up with excuses and rejections. Several of them were valid ones, too. Surely he would understand if you said something about their conflicting professions. You could even just say you didn't share the feelings because it was hard to get over the parts where he tried to kill you multiple times. If he knew nothing could come of this, you were free to reject him without feeling too guilty about it. However, something about what he said to you got you thinking.

He had said that after hatred he began to notice weird things and feelings. The concept felt too familiar to you. After Kyouka told you it was okay to not hate him, you had started acknowledging these things like his pretty eyes or his subtle acts of kindness. You also didn't know how to react when he did stuff like comfort you in the middle of the night or let you get a cat or leave bottles of tea as apologies. He talked about you being this remarkable person with such a profound effect on other people but did he know that he was capable of the same influence?

He stood suddenly from the sofa and said, "I don't want a response. All Dazai said was that I had to be honest with you so there it is. I'm going to bed."

 _Wait._

He strode quickly towards his room and you needed to act quickly before he never spoke to you again. You couldn't find the words. Instead, you let your reflexes take over. Vaulting over the couch, you leapt at him, knocking both of you over and onto the ground. You landed on top of him.

The position gave you a full view of his face. With his deep black hair pooled on the floor around him, his dark eyes were wide, staring right at you, looking absolutely stunning in combination with his flushed cheeks and ever-so-slightly parted lips. If you hadn't figured out your own feelings before this point, you thought you were sure now.

"I think I'm also in love with an idiot," you said.

And then you kissed him.


End file.
